Peace Keeper
by Red Baroness
Summary: AU. In the Battle For Survival, Van beats Raven. BUT, let's say that instead Raven defeats Van and captures Fiona, like Prozen wanted. Let's ALSO say that Raven ends up with emotions he never thought he could have. FionaRaven
1. Battle For Survival

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Chapter One: Battle For Survival

I've wanted to write a Raven x Fiona for a real long time. A REAL long time. I'm such a sucker for this couple… and I'm so _thrilled_ that I finally get the chance! I don't have much to say to you, except thank you for stopping by and to enjoy the first chapter of a two-part romance! LOVE YOU PEOPLE FOR THAT!

This story starts in the beginning of the episode, "Battle For Survival." It won't stay in canon for long. You know, because you read the summary. Ah, I'm so excited to finally be writing this! *Smile* J ! I swear, I feel like jumping up and doing a happy dance!

*Does a Happy Dance *

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own ZOIDS. But this story is mine, mine, and mine.

*Stops dancing and bows nobly *

Oh, and beware of a harsh, devilish Raven.

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"Van, I suggest that you leave the girl out of this. Lord Prozen has expressed an interest in her."

"No way, Raven. I'm not handing Fiona over to anyone."

"Well it's obvious how you feel for her. If she's going to fight with you then Prozen will have to do without his little chat."

Something in the back of Van's mind told him not to. _Begged _him not to, in fact. _Don't fight that monster! He'll kill you! _Then from the back, in an almost repetitive fashion, Fiona began to plead that he run away.

"Van, Rudolph needs us! We've got to get back there!"

"I…"

The sinister-looking dark ZOID in their path began to sway back and forth, as if waiting to pounce. Raven's cold-hearted voice was heard, taunting him, "What's the matter? Don't tell me that you're afraid."

"Van! He's going to attack! Run away!"

"I… I can't." This was destiny, and you can't run away from that.

The Genosaurer lunged forward like a hungry cat that had cornered a mouse. Van heard Raven cry out for Shadow. There was no way he could escape without defeating him. From that point on, the battle for survival had begun.

And it was epic. The Genosaurer, nearly twice the size of the Blade Liger, dominated the conflict immediately. Destiny played its part, and the Liger wound up severely damaged on the rocky ground at the feet of its enemy. Raven, cruel and unmerciful, forced his ZOID to kick at the smaller one.

"I see that you've improved significantly, Van. But you're not getting away this time. I'll finish you!"

Van winced. This… this _boy_ was evil. And he really was just a boy. Raven wasn't much older than he was, and both too young to get caught up in a ruthless war. Then how could someone as young as he be so barbaric?

The Genosaurer gave the Liger a powerful kick that was perhaps a finishing blow. The canopy of the cockpit was knocked open, and Fiona was hurled out. She was thrown to the hard, stony ground below, and Zeek was soon in the same position.

"…You should've left that girl out of this…"That was the only sentence that reached Van's ears.

The air seemed to be forced from Van's lungs as he screamed. "Fiona! Zeek!" He didn't have the time to think, though, because Raven would not let him escape. He panicked, and didn't know what to do next.

And this was Destiny. 

But even Destiny did not foresee what happened next. To her surprise, Raven did something she didn't think he'd do.

"Shadow!"

"What…?" Van was jolted back into his senses by Raven's shout. The black Organoid emerged from the giant ZOID and hovered over the battle scene. "What… is he doing?"

Raven answered for him. "Go ahead and guess, Flyheight. Did you think that if I destroyed you and failed to fetch that girl for Prozen would make him happy? That would be suicide. Of course, it would give me immediate pleasure to annihilate you both, but I'm not coming back to Lord Prozen empty-handed."

Van's eyes widened with realization.

__

Is he…? He wouldn't.

"Now would be a good time to say goodbye to the girl, Van, because you're not seeing her again. Shadow, get that girl!"

"NO!" Van struggled to bring the Liger back on its feet. He couldn't get the ZOID to budge. "Fiona! Look out!" Could she hear him? _No, Fiona, not her. Please no!_

The dark, jet black ZOID swooped down at an extraordinary speed. From the cockpit of the Blade Liger it looked like an immense black hawk about to scoop up a tiny and defenseless field mouse.

"Fiona, run! Zeek, save her!"

But the silver ZOID didn't stand a chance; the poor thing was overworked and entirely exhausted. Zeek only managed to roar weakly and swat at the oncoming hunter. Shadow knocked the other Organoid back onto the ground before chasing after a terrified Fiona. She didn't have the chance to run very far because the dark hawk scooped her up in seconds.

"**VAN**!"

"Fi—Fiona!" Van screamed. He could barely believe his eyes as the jet black creature spread its blood red wings and soared away into the sky. _No! This isn't happening! Raven…_ "I'll get you!" Van struggled with the controls and the Blade Liger finally got onto its feet. "You'll regret that, Raven!"

The other pilot laughed cruelly. "Oh… I doubt that, Van. Really, I do!"

And the battle continued, but not the way Destiny had planned.

*****

A colossal blood red ZOID roared triumphantly across a wrecked and ablaze city. It was the victor. It had arisen again. Its point of existence was to destroy.

"Deathsaurer…" whispered an escaped survivor. "What an awesome power."

The escapee was jerked back into the cockpit of a slow-moving ZOID.

"Get back in here, you idiot! Do you want that thing to know that we got out of there alive?"

In truth, the Gustav was well over a mile away from the thing, but the enormous ZOID could be seen from a long way off. But the Gustav's pilot and passenger weren't the only people who had escaped the Deathsaurer's lethal Charged Particle Gun. Several dozen ZOIDS, among them a Command Wolf, had made it out as well.

Irvine jumped out of his ZOID. "That sure ended well. Where was Van in all of this?"

The cockpit of Hermann's ZOID opened. "We can't go looking for him now. I suggest that you get back in your Command Wolf. We need to get as far away from that monster as possible so we can regroup." Then, in a louder voice he said, "All of us. It doesn't matter if we're from the Republic… or the Empire."

A voice was heard from an Iron Kong some twenty feet away. It was Major Schubaltz. "True. This beast is an enemy to us both." He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Prince Rudolph. Is he alright?"

A dark colored Panzer approached, and Rudolph spoke. "Yes… I can't believe this happened. It—it's my fault. If only I had been stronger I could have-…"

"No," said Irvine, "we just weren't ready to face this." He looked back at the red ZOID in the distance and whistled in awe.

Another tremendous roar was heard from across the fires. It was unanimously decided that the survivors retreat. Overhead, Rosso and Viola flew their breath-taking Storm Sworders farther away from the wreckage. The other ZOIDS quickly followed suit.

"There's nothing we can do right now," said Rudolph gravely. "I only hope that Van made it out all right."

"Don't worry about that kid," said Moonbay. "He'll be fine. We've got to worry about ourselves right now."

"Your Highness," said Schubaltz. "We've got to get you in hiding…" He sighed in total exasperation, an uncommon thing to see the man doing. "And we've got to find a strategy before that monster destroys all of Zi."

*****

Fiona shuddered under the cold gaze of Shadow's ice blue eyes. She didn't dare move, though, lest the dark metallic creature prowling around her in circles decide to pounce. She didn't know where she was, and she didn't know what was happening to Van. All she could think of was fear. A million terrible things were imagined.

__

What if Van wins but can't find me? What if Shadow's been given orders to kill me? What if… Chills of agony ran down the girl's spine._ Van loses? Oh… Eve, no… Van has to win. If Raven defeats him… I don't know what will happen to me. But I do know what will happen to Van. If Raven wins… he'll kill him. No, Van, Zeek! Please no. You have to win!_

After several minutes of her silent suffering, Fiona heard a noise that made her heart stop beating. The sound was far away but so very loud. Fiona knew instantly that it was an explosion. Even though Shadow had her cornered against the back of a cliff that was surrounded by dense underbrush, the distant, tall column of smoke that rose high into the blue was plainly visible to Fiona.

She held her breath.

"Van…" she whispered as tears pricked her eyes. She knew that the far-off eruption was the result of a Charged Particle Gun. Though she tried to deny it, the thought that Raven had won against Van kept pushing its way to the surface. "Van," she said again, her voice breaking.

Fiona sat down and wrapped her arms around her knees before sobbing silently. Fear, anguish, and torment were all poured into her cries of sorrow. The sleek, metallic creature in front of her seemed to ignore her pain, and kept circling around the girl like a cat. In the same way, Fiona ignored Shadow, because right now she couldn't focus on anything else but Van. 

But the teardrops didn't last long. When she sensed a powerful ZOID drawing near at an incredible, she immediately dried her tears and tried to look confident. Raven was coming; she knew it. She wouldn't let him see her in this sorry state.

The Genosaurer stopped close by. Fiona could see its sinister-looking head peeking above the foliage of the underbrush. Then, after a minute or so, she could see Raven approaching through the thicket with a haughty smirk across his face. She looked down, because her faint bravery vanished. She couldn't face him.

He stopped in front of her. Fiona winced and shut her eyes, trying to hide the teardrops that were beginning to flow again. She hadn't the courage to look up. Even worse, she knew that Raven sensed her fear.

__

I will not cry. I will not cry. That's what he wants from you, Fiona. He wants you to cry so he can laugh at you. I will not cry in front of Raven. I will not…

She sniffed and couldn't hold back the tears. As they flowed down her cheeks she thought she heard Raven give a sneer of arrogance. Fiona tried to quit crying but that only brought more misery. It wasn't until she felt Raven grab under her chin when she stopped weeping out of fear.

Raven lifted her chin with his left hand, forcing her to look at him. His eyes were both of contempt and hate, and Fiona was too scared to dare look away. He didn't speak for a long time; only stared cruelly. His smirk seemed to prove that he could bring fear and anguish onto anyone. Then, in an abrupt shift of emotions, he looked down at her in disgust.

"I really would have liked to kill you, but Prozen wouldn't like that one bit." He let go of her chin and slapped her. Shadow flinched but Raven took no notice.

Fiona fell to the ground and immediately started sobbing again. Right now she wished that Raven _would_ kill her. The emotional pain of losing Van was too much for her to handle.

She struggled to sit up but Raven grabbed her wrists and she nearly collapsed. The only reason that Fiona didn't fall completely to the rocky ground was because Raven was tying her wrists together behind her back. The rope he used was callous and scratchy, and he bound it very tight around her wrists. Then he let go, and she fell back onto the ground.

"Enough of the pity party," he said coldly. "Get up and let's go."

Fiona finally managed to stand. When she did, Raven kicked at her ankles to make her move forward. He commanded her to walk forward. Stumbling and crying, Fiona did as she was told. Eventually they reached a battered but triumphant Genosaurer.

"Get in." 

Fiona found that she couldn't enter the ZOID easily because her wrists were tied, making her balance terrible. Neither could she decide on a place to sit; the Genosaurer only had one seat. Raven made a decision for her. He shoved her into the small, cramped space behind the seat. Not used to being treated so harshly, Fiona began to whimper again.

"Hush. You're not staying with me for long." 

Raven took his place in the cockpit. The ZOID lit up and began to move. Through her despair, Fiona actually took notice that there was human blood all over the controls. Then she remembered that Raven had only used one hand to tie her wrists. It was obvious that he had injured himself while fighting Van, meaning that her friend hadn't gone down without a good fight.

"We're going now, Zoidian. I'm taking you to see _Emperor_ Prozen." Then Raven laughed.

__

Emperor Prozen? Fiona let the last two lines sink in. The bottom line for her was that Van was dead, Raven had captured her, Prozen hadn't been stopped, and Zi's destruction was inevitable.

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Ow, he's harsh, ne? Well, I've got to keep Raven in character. Nobody likes a wimpy "love-at-first-sight" thing, right?

*Does a Happy Dance. *

Okay, this chapter is a major exception to all of the future ones. They will be named after songs, and the lyrics will be placed in random places throughout. Is that okay?

*Continues Happy Dance. *

Okay, dokay, it's time to leave me a review by pushing the button…

…Right…

…Down…

… Here!

V


	2. Faint

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Chapter Two: Faint

THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING!!!

This chapter is the first of many that will be named after songs. They'll also contain the lyrics. I hope this song choice was appropriate for the chapter. It's Linking Park, "Faint," from their "Meteora" CD. 

Is Van dead? Did I really kill him? Am I really that insensitive? Michiko knows; girlfriend was so upset that I had to give her a best-friend spoiler. Just keep reading to find out.

Disclaimer: I don't own ZOIDS. I do however own Linkin Park on CD! …But their music isn't written by me.

(And I'll bet I made tons of mistakes in this chappie. Could you nice people find them for me?)

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~ I am a little bit of loneliness,

A little bit of disregard

A handful of complaints but

I can't help the fact

That everyone can see these scars ~

Dusk was upon the young mercenary and his prisoner. With the prowess and skill of someone twice his age, Raven stopped the Genosaurer in a low, narrow gorge. As he stepped out of the ZOID, he looked back at his hostage who was curled up against the back of the seat. She had cried herself to sleep hours ago. Every once in a while she whimpered helplessly in her slumber. 

While he stared, a rude grin tugged at the corners of his lips as an ill-mannered thought entered his mind. He pressed his good hand firmly against her throat and cut off her breathing, just to see what she would do.

Fiona was so overwhelmed by the sudden air loss that she woke up immediately. She looked up in surprise. As soon as she saw him, standing over her life an ax-murderer, she screamed. Grinning 'playfully' Raven yanked back his hand. Then without a word he turned around and got out of the cockpit.

Fiona drew in as much breath as she could. She still had a hard time breathing though, because she felt as if there was a massive weight on her chest that was suffocating her. The fact that she had been crying all day didn't help either. Warning herself not to cry again- Raven seemed to thoroughly enjoy seeing her in misery- Fiona struggled to sit up in a far more comfortable position.

Her wrists were still bound strong by that scratchy rope. Whenever she tried to move them, a sharp pain shot all the way up her arms. Turning her head over her shoulder she tried to peer at them. The heavy twine had been tied on so tight that they cut into her wrists. The blood that seeped into the rope clotted, making it difficult to jostle them.

She sniveled piteously. Why did this happen to her? Why did Raven derive so much pleasure from seeing other people in pain? 

__

I've got to get out of here. Van… I know you'd want me to live and be happy. Laying her head against the back of the seat, Fiona decided to put away her anguish for later. Right now she had to think of a way to escape Raven. Even worse, Shadow would be harder to escape from.

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Wait… I have to wait… I doubt that Raven will stay up all night. I just need to wait until he's asleep. Then I'll have to deal with Shadow. Oh, Van… what would you do if you were in my position? _That Organoid's a monster and he'll bring me back to Raven if he finds me._

She groaned hungrily. That was no surprise, since she hadn't eaten since morning. Fiona was skeptical that Raven would be decent enough to give her anything to eat. It was difficult to think of a solution to her problem on an empty stomach. And she was so exhausted that she felt she would pass out if she shut her eyes for too long.

The night grew darker and colder and still no plan came to her. Fiona worked her tired mind so hard for an answer that she nearly fell asleep. Finally she decided not to fight it anymore. You just can't think straight when you're tired.

It was some time before Raven came to check on her. When he did, he barely even looked at her. In fact, he was gone before Fiona was asleep. The only thing he had come for was a gauze bandage for his torn palm.

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~ I am what I want you to want,

What I want you to feel

But it's like no matter what I do

I can't convince you

To just believe this is real ~

Fiona didn't sleep for very long, because fear had found its way back into her soul. When she awoke, the first thing Fiona did was to try to figure out what time it was. She guessed that it was very late, because she couldn't hear Raven or Shadow at all. Poking her head hesitantly out of the cockpit, she was content to see that Raven had fallen asleep against a rock. 

But Shadow was nowhere in sight.

That meant the Organoid might be hiding somewhere, watching her from the darkness. Fiona sat back to think a little more. What could she do about the Organoid? He was completely loyal and obedient to Raven only… but maybe that could be changed.

__

I'm Elise Lynette… a Zoidian…

Fiona had direct contact with Zeke without even speaking to him verbally. Though he was Van's pet, Zeke followed any command Fiona gave him. But that was different. Even if she had all of her memories and powers on her side, she knew that she probably wouldn't be able to keep Shadow at bay.

__

But it's worth a shot… Anything's better than waiting around here…

Breathing heavily, Fiona stood up. Her legs wobbled beneath her. Carefully, quietly, she took an unsteady step forward. Then another and another. The step out of the cockpit was difficult because the first footfall was many feet above the ground. She couldn't even spread her arms out to balance herself. If she slipped and fell, she'd surely wake up Raven.

But somehow she managed. Fiona worked herself slowly to the ground, all the while reaching her mind out, searching for Shadow's presence. Finally, she could walk freely. With the confidence gaining inside of her, Fiona searched for Shadow once more. She could sense that the Organoid was close by and moving slowly. But he was coming closer.

__

That could be a problem. Fiona decided to go out on a limb with her Zoidian powers. Disguising her mind's voice as much as possible, she ordered Shadow stay put. Then she hammered the command into the Organoid so it'd listen.

Fiona almost collapsed when she was through. Her powers were still limited, but they consumed a great deal of her energy, and she didn't even know if Shadow would listen or not. The whole thing could've been done in vain. In fact, that stunt might have caused Shadow to panic and return immediately, and then there would be trouble!

But, thankfully, Shadow obeyed her.

No longer afraid, Fiona began to walk tall. For the first time in nearly a day, she felt a sense of security and safety. Each step, though she was slow and limping, was taken with bravery and in the opposite direction of the Organoid, away from the Genosaurer. Away from Raven. Away from Prozen. Away from the Deathsaurer.

For all she knew, Van could be alive and searching for her at that very moment.

*****

__

~ So I let go, watching you

Turn your back like you always do

Face away and pretend that I'm not

But I'll be here because

You're all that I've got ~

The bright sun glared down on her fatigued body. The heat of the light, the stickiness and humidity in the air, and the burning sand beneath her feet were all working together to crush her into the ground. The sun wasn't even in the center of the big blue yet, and Fiona felt like she would collapse with each footstep she took. The empty blue sky offered no clouds to shade her.

Her steps faltered, and she tripped over her own feet. As she landed in the dirty sand, she wondered how she could carry on like this. It had been some time since she left the Genosaurer, and she hadn't stopped walking

__

Why did I leave so quickly? Was it because for a moment I suddenly had freedom? Fiona wanted to kick herself for not thinking to bring water, even though she did have plenty of time before her escape. She _knew_ that Zi's smoldering deserts took ignorant lives.

It was made even tougher because her wrists had begun to bleed. Then the scratchy rope that was still tied to them rubbed into her wounds. Next the sandy terrain, that somehow found its way into everything, entered the cuts and made them sting.

But she had to carry on. She knew that Raven found out that she was gone hours ago, and there was no doubt that he'd be after her at the very instant. Each second he'd come closer to finding her, and he'd waste no effort. After all, Raven had said that he wasn't going back to Prozen without her.

__

"Emperor Prozen," he said. Rudolph must be dead or in hiding if that's true. In the back of her mind, she knew that Prozen was much worse than Raven. That fear alone was enough to get her on her feet._ If I lay like this for much longer, the sun will fry me. I've… I've got to keep going. I need to find water!_

Somehow the gritty sand found its way into her mouth. Coughing and spitting violently, Fiona stumbled on forward.

__

How long can I go on like this?

*****

__

~ I can't feel 

The way I did before

Don't turn you back on me

I won't be ignored ~

A pair of Storm Sworders, a beautiful and breathtaking sight to behold from a distance, soared elegantly over a valley. But no matter how gorgeous they were in flight, the ugly, hideous wreckage directly below them disgusted their pilots to no end.

"Rosso! Check that out down there," murmured Viola solemnly.

Her partner whistled in awe. "Looks like some battle took place, huh?"

"I've got a bad feeling about it though. I'm going down for a closer look."

"Don't land, Viola! Prozen's cronies could be crawling around everywhere."

Her Storm Sworder swooped down gently and gracefully. "I'm smarter than to do that, Rosso!" she snapped. "I'm always the one who always has to remind…—Zoid Lords! Rosso! I'm landing! That's _Van's_ ZOID!"

"What?"

*****

__

~ Time won't heal

This damage anymore

Don't turn your back on me

I won't be ignored ~

Raven put his hand up over his eyes, shielding them from the bright light of the sun, now in the middle of the blue. He glanced around the barren wasteland, searching for any sign, a footprint or a piece of clothing. When he thought he saw something, he walked up to it for a closer look.

The rough sand had indentations everywhere, as if someone had fallen there. After that, many footsteps spread crookedly off into the distance, towards a far-off rock and cliff field. The fact that the footprints didn't go in a straight line tipped him off that someone had become too worn-out to walk correctly. Even more interesting was the fact that little droplets of blood had fallen into the sand right along the footprints.

A slow, twisted grin spread on the young mercenary's face. He had found his prey.

"I never thought that you'd have the guts, little Zoidian, to escape," Raven whispered. "Nor did I think that you'd even make it this far. You are an interesting one. I haven't had a hunt this entertaining in a long time." He laughed then, and walked on.

Raven had certainly been angry at Shadow when he discovered that Fiona was gone. He became angrier still when he learned that Shadow _obeyed_ that little girl rather than him.

Then, after he had yelled at Shadow, he began to search for her. Prozen was expecting him before nightfall _with _the girl. If he showed up without the girl…? He was a dead duck.

The search had begun in the Genosaurer. But once Raven had reached the desert, he decided to get out. He had a hunch that the girl hadn't brought any water with her but tried to go through the desert anyway without it. He also knew that it wouldn't be long before the girl collapsed. And at that point he decided it would be much more fun to hunt her down on foot.

So he got out and wandered around for nearly two hours. But unlike Fiona, Raven had thought to bring water. A lot of water, in fact. Enough water for two people to last them a day in the desert.

Raven took out the canteen and drank from it briefly. After that he checked to see if he had remembered to bring a knife with him. He had. Then he quickened his pace, knowing that he'd find the girl in less than an hour.

*****

__

~I am a little bit insecure

A little unconfident,

'Cause you don't understand

I do what I can

But sometimes I don't make sense ~

"This is bad, Viola."

After landing, Viola and Rosso had spent nearly two hours exhaustively searching through the rock and rubble looking for Van and Fiona. They found Van buried under the broken glass of the cockpit and broken chunks of metal. Zeke lay unmoving close by. Fiona couldn't be found despite the fact that they searched the site thoroughly. That left them with Van and his Organoid. At first they were both thought to be dead. But as Rosso pulled Van out from the wreckage, the boy gave a sore groan.

They lay him out on the flat rock, his head on Viola's lap. Rosso kept looking the boy over and over, counting the numerous injuries.

"I'm amazed he even survived this long."

"What about the Organoid?" Viola asked in a hushed voice.

Rosso shook his head. "Can't tell. I don't know if it's alive or not. But I do know that the Organoid saved Van's life."

"Hmm…" Viola began to stroke Van's forehead. It was cut and scraped from where the glass fell on him. "Who did this to a nice boy like you, huh?"

"I'll bet my life that it was that Raven guy," said Rosso. "You remember, that kid who nearly totaled _us_."

Viola shuddered. "I remember… Wh… W-what about the ZOID? It hasn't turned to stone just yet."

"It's alive, but the core's damaged. By this time tomorrow the ZOID will be dead."

Suddenly Van began to quiver. His breathing intensified. Then his eyes fluttered open. You could tell by his eyes that he was in deep pain. Even though he was hurting, he struggled to sit up. All the while he tried to say something, his voice coming out in mumbles.

"Van! Ssh!" Viola tried to put his head down. "Lay back down. You're hurt."

"I…! I want…" Van tried to speak.

"No, no, lay down."

Stubbornly, he continued. "… I… I want… I want Fiona… He took Fiona." And then he blacked out.

Viola and Rosso shot stunned glances at each other.

"We can't look for her now," said Viola gravely. "Van needs help or he will die."

Nodding his head, Rosso silently agreed.

*****

__

~ I am what you never want to say

But I've never had a doubt.

It's like no matter what I do

I can't convince you

For once just to hear me out ~

How could they have known that Fiona was lost in the middle of a desert close by?

The cliffs here were small, and numberless caves and ditches dotted the rock field. Fiona, after wandering around for a while, decided to sit down on a small boulder. She was so drained that she felt ready to tip over and fall asleep on the sand. Breathing heavily, she turned her neck so she could look over her back. Her bloody wrists were becoming worse every minute that she moved. They pained her so much that she felt like crying.

But she didn't cry. There wasn't enough liquid in her body to cry. Her parched throat cried out for fresh, sweet water. As the sweat trickled in beads off of her forehead (under normal circumstances she would've been disgusted) she wondered if she was close to any civilization at all. She knew that she had to find help or she'd die.

Her mind completely worn down by trauma and dehydration, she absent-mindedly began to sing a song for no reason at all. Her voice was hoarse, and it sounded high and unnatural to her.

"I… never know… where the road… will take me…" Trying to remember Moonbay's song was difficult for Fiona. Already the water and blood losses were taking a heavy toll on her body and mind. Her eyes watered and her vision blurred. "I'm a… transporter… of the… wasteland… I'm just… making it up… as I go…"

"Ssh…" said a low voice behind her.

Snapping back to her senses, Fiona nearly jumped when she felt a heavy hand sink onto her shoulder. Falling forward onto the sand from fright, she turned anxiously to see who it was.

It was Raven. He held a knife in his left hand.

Why was she surprised? How did he find her? What use had it been to run away in the first place? Raven was probably going to kill her right now, ignoring Prozen's orders. Already exhausted and delirious from her wanderings through the desert, Fiona began to cough and she felt her stomach convulse at the sight of him. Her eyes were wide and glazed from fear.

__

Where's Shadow? I don't see Shadow. I don't see the Genosaurer either. The thought flashed in her mind, but for only an instant.

Raven glanced at the knife in his left hand. _I should've put that away,_ he thought. Hiding the silver blade under his dark cloak, he began to talk softly to the Zoidian.

"Why were you singing and wasting your breath? I don't know what you were thinking, but it was stupid. You do realize that you could have died out here, right? Quit wasting your energy." His tone of voice was edgy and full of contempt, but it still remained as soft and quiet as if he were calming a wild animal. "Come here." He motioned for her to stand.

Oh, Fiona stood, all right. The very instant she got up she made a break for it. Every last chunk of energy was used in this last attempt to escape. Even though running was difficult, her wrists still tied behind her back and bleeding badly, Fiona felt as if she had never run faster.

__

If I can get to those cliffs up ahead… There's always hiding places among the crags… Raven won't find me… I hope… Sometimes a stream runs through here, so if I can get to those cliffs and hide, I'll be able to stay there for a while and regain my strength. Raven should have a hard time finding me then…

But this last burst of power just wasn't enough. Raven was upon her in less than a minute. He knocked her over onto her knees and grabbed her shoulders. The silver knife had come out again, and this time he pressed it against her throat. Fear pushed the dry tears out of her eyes.

"I don't know why you tried to pull that stunt on me, but it was just a waste of my time. Waste of your energy too." His voice had never carried so much spite and hatred before, and his eyes were clearly furious. A part of him looked as if he wanted to kill her at that instant. Still, he tried to keep his voice calm and barely above a whisper. "You're no good to me dead. I suggest that you stay with me for now. If you **ever** try anything like this again, I'll see to it that Prozen does something much, much worse than what I want to do to you now. You understand?" He put the knife down.

What_ had_ she been thinking two minutes ago? One thing was for sure; desperation drove people to do crazy things. She was so desperate… desperate for freedom. Through her tears Fiona nodded.

"Okay then," he said in a gentler tone. "Dry your tears." His anger seemed to have diffused just then. Though he still had the blade out, Fiona finally realized why he had been carrying it around in the first place.

Raven took her wrists in his bandaged hand, and with the blade in the other, cut the ropes that bound them. It was extraordinarily painful for Fiona when he peeled the ropes away, but she bit her quivering lip to keep from crying.

"There now." Raven put the blade away and took out a canteen. "Here. You're half-dead already from thirst, aren't you?"

Water.

Fiona snatched the canteen from Raven. She was very thirsty after wandering aimlessly for hours in the scorching desert. Raven waited rather restlessly for her to finish; he seemed eager to leave. Finally Raven snatched the canteen back when it was half-empty.

"Let's go. You're in front."

__

Probably to keep an eye on me, the demon. But… I guess I feel a little better, she admitted. Fiona felt relieved after her long drink. She walked on ahead of Raven, secretly feeling liberated now that the ropes were gone and her wrists were free. They still bled, but it wasn't bad.

But Raven completely spoiled the moment by urging her to go faster. He was walking behind her, a bored, impatient look on his face. His eyes kept wandering to Fiona's wrists._ Why did I tie the rope so tight? It looks like she tried to commit suicide…_

The sun began to blaze at its hottest. Fiona was still weak, and after a while in the sun she slowed down. Raven grumbled at her to pick up the pace, even nudging her at times when she got too slow. When it happened too often, he began to shove a bit.

"Keep going! I don't want to carry you," he griped.

The rock field began to diminish in the horizon behind them the farther they walked. Several stray, stubborn boulders lingered on after they cleared it. Fiona suddenly stopped to catch her breath. Raven looked at her in annoyance. For a while he waited until she had regained her strength, gazing around at the landscape and wondering if Prozen was going to give him a suitable reward for the hassle he was putting up with. In the distance, right along the desert's horizon, he saw an abrupt shift in the sand.

Raven suddenly pushed Fiona so hard that she fell.

Her first reaction would be to cry, but she was too shocked when she saw Raven kneeling on the ground next to her.

"Get behind that boulder," he commanded. "Move, _now_."

"O-okay…" she stuttered. Sniffling out of fear, she did as she was told, crawling on her hands and knees to a small boulder. She thought she heard Raven muttering a few curses under his breath. A serious look was on his face, one Fiona had never seen before.

__

What is the matter with him?

The unnatural shift he saw in the sand was what bothered Raven. He knew that it was either a wild or a sleeper ZOID. It had sensed them in its dormant state, and it was going to attack if it found them. Quickly he sat down next to Fiona, not caring at the moment that he was sitting very, very close to her. Heck, the boy didn't even _know_ how close he was.

Raven leaned sideways so he could peer around the boulder. The sand dune in the distance had disintegrated, and the ZOID beneath it unveiled itself.

His quick mind started calculating the ratios of his situation with all of the deft precision of a machine. It was the way he was raised; though he didn't realize it, he was another military tool for Prozen to command.

__

Guysack. Model 3.5T. Blue…It probably has some sort of motion sensor… That thing can rip a man to shreds… Let's see… Shadow's too far away to call. He probably can't even sense that I'm in trouble… I can't make a run for the Genosaurer… That's also too far away. I could always… No, I'd have to take her. I can't stand dragging her around! She's such a burden.

Raven began to drum his fingers lightly against the stone absentmindedly. Fiona took no notice, because she was still trying to figure out what was going on. She was also very uncomfortable sitting so near to him.

"R-Rae… Raven?" she asked quietly, almost afraid to say his name.

"Shh!" he snapped. "I'm thinking."

At that point he finally looked at her, suddenly realizing that their faces were mere inches apart. Fiona's ankle accidentally brushed against his and he flinched. He flinched like a snail does when it retreats back into its shell for safety.

"Get away from me," he hissed. "I'm trying to think."

It was hard to think clearly when the sun seemed to become very hot all of a sudden.

The Guysack was moving around on its own, digging its claws into the sand, searching for whatever was out there, ready to attack. It was coming closer to the boulder.

__

If we try escape for the Genosaurer, that ZOID will out-run us. If we try to get to the cliffs, it'll catch us eventually catch up to us. We can't run out into the desert; there's no place to hide out there. And if I don't stop saying 'we' and 'us' soon I'm going to take a sabbatical the instant I get back to Prozen's palace!

The Guysack shuffled around nervously, thinking it had been tricked. It started to go in the other direction.

"Listen up," whispered Raven finally. "In case you haven't figured it out, there's a wild ZOID out there looking for us." Mentally he kicked himself. "It's not coming in this direction right now. But I need you to come with me."

"What? Where…?"

Raven scoffed. "Fine, then I'll go and leave you by yourself again. I just need that _thing_ to follow somebody into the rock field."

"Why?"

"You're really dense, you know that? There are tons of cliffs and ravines in there. Look, If that ZOID chases somebody into there and gets stuck, we'll have nothing to worry about." Another mental kick. "Come with me so it'll follow…" He drifted off and just looked at her, eyes filled with curiosity. Suddenly he grinned. "Wait, I have a better idea."

"Uh," Fiona whispered quietly, "What is it?" His sneer always made her uncomfortable somehow. It made him look like a chain-saw murderer.

"It's you." Raven scooted a bit further away from Fiona. "I know what you did to Shadow. I want you to do the same thing to that metal trash out there."

__

Metal trash? Is he talking about the Guysack? "Uh… I-I don't think—"

"Quiet! I don't care how or what you do, just get that thing away from us."

"Oh! I know… but… Shadow's an Organoid and… a Guysack is definitely not an…"

"So you doubt yourself, Zoidian?" Raven narrowed his eyes. "I really don't see why Prozen wanted you. You're basically worthless. You can't even help yourself."

For the first time in her life, Fiona felt like slapping somebody. "T-th-that is not true! I… I…"

"… Let Van die," he finished casually for her.

That really hurt. It downright stung. "No…! No, I didn't," she almost started crying when she said that. "You killed him! I… I…"

"Do something, Zoidian. I'm fully prepared to toss you out there at the mercy of this thing." He seemed so casual, so insensitive about what he had just said. His eyes had no sympathy, as if he felt no guilt at all.

Her eyes stung with dry tears. "I-I don't have to! I don't have to listen to you. Why… I'd rather die out here than—"

Raven tried to calm her down all of a sudden. "Shh. Shh. That was just a bluff," he said quickly. "For Eve's sake then, at least call Shadow. Surely you can do that much?"

"I'll try… I guess…

__

~ So I let go, watching you

Turn your back like you always do

Face away and pretend that I'm not

But I'll be here because

You're all that I've got ~

*****

When he woke up he felt a cool, damp washcloth on his forehead. It stung a bit, because there were cuts and scrapes all along his forehead. However, it did make him feel better, because the next thing he did was open his eyes.

The room was dark. He wasn't even sure if he was in a room or not. All he saw were the dark shadow all around, dancing here and there like black birds. They haunted him, though he didn't know why.

After staring up into the darkness and thinking for a bit, he started to realize that something was not right. Something was wrong, but he couldn't place his finger on it. He lay in bed, pondering. The blackbirds took hold his mind, dancing in the dreary shadows of the dark room.

__

Blackbirds…

He sat suddenly, the washcloth flying off of his forehead, as he was seized by the realization of what had happened. The sudden insight of what was wrong, what was missing, was too much for his weary body.

He lay back down on the pillow.

"Fiona… I will get you back."

*****

~ I can't feel

The way I did before

Don't turn your back on me

I won't be ignored! ~

__

He makes me feel worthless. 

That could have been my only chance to escape from him. He was too anxious to get away from that Guysack to pay any attention to me. But I followed him anyway. Now I'm going straight to Prozen, like a gift he can unwrap.

She wasn't bound and gagged. She wasn't trapped in a box or a cage. She wasn't being whipped to follow orders.

__

I'm so sorry, Van.

Fiona was curled up in the small space in back of the cockpit, free to move around if she wished. Not that she wanted to, though, with the ZOID moving at a breakneck speed. Almost asleep, she gazed at her now bandaged wrists, a grim reminder of what events had happened beforehand. 

__

He bandaged them up for me, pretending that he was almost human. Pretending that he was almost my friend.

I hate him.

Why did I listen to him back in the desert? I know now that what I should've done was to try to use my Zoidian powers to call the Guysack, ask it to attack Raven and spare me. But I was afraid. I called Shadow to me as if he was my Organoid, not Zeke. Then I watched, like a coward. Raven destroyed that Guysack.

And because of my fear, that was my fault. I am to blame.

Raven knew that she wasn't going to struggle anymore, so he had no reason to tie her up. He had left her "free" for the time, which was just another memo to her that things much worse were coming her way. She was being delivered to Prozen like a porcelain doll in box.

__

My life as I know it is over… But I'm still alive to see it through.

Hey teary, ruby red eyes closed, and she slept. It was, in fact, a peaceful sleep, with pleasant dreams of Irvine, Moonbay, Rudolph, Zeke… and Van. Dreams don't last. After several hours of undisturbed slumber, she woke up with a start. Something- someone was shaking her shoulders firmly.

"Up, Zoidian. Emperor Prozen wishes to see you."

__

~ Time won't heal

This damage anymore

Don't turn your back on me

I won't be ignored! ~

**"Faint," Linkin Park **

-----

(Sabbatical is such a fun word to say…)

****

Blah! Finised! I have never written so much. Phew! The next chapter is probably going to be even longer. Pheh! At this rate I'll be exhausted by the time I reach Chapter Nine (my fave!).

__

URGENT**! I have this sickening feeling that my computer is soon going to that great, big microchip heaven in the dump… er, sky. It needs maintenance… badly. SO if I don't update in, like, FOREVER, it's because my computer has left this world. I'm sorry *SNIFF!***

Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Please visit the Blood Donation Center and give some… I mean, please leave me a review.

Dang, I think I lost my PeaceKeeper plot…


	3. Numb

Chapter Three: Numb

Edited/Updated. Tweaked the storyline a little. I had an idea, 'kay? Also, I changed some of the names of the maids. It's nothing to worry about; just personal preference.

Disclaimer: Whateva.

-

Tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless

Lost under the surface

The last time Raven had seen his prisoner was last night, just after he had arrived in Prozen's palace. As soon as he had gotten there, several soldiers hauled the fear-stricken girl away. Prozen was also there to see him personally.

"You've made me very proud, Raven." Prozen's highborn, red eyes seemed darker and more like blood for some reason. They also appeared nobler. "I want you to know that."

Raven had just shrugged and looked away, seemingly bored.

"Well… I'm sure you're as glad as I am to see that Van is gone now."

Raven actually grinned at that. True, that was something to be glad about.

"I'm also pleased you brought the girl back in one piece." Prozen laughed. "I was afraid that you'd go against orders and kill her."

Why was this man acting so chummy with him? _I almost did, Gunther. But I'm not telling you that. By the way, she can control ZOIDS without piloting them. She tells them what to do and they'll do it. Is that why you wanted her?_

"My, my, Raven. What did you do to your ZOID" Prozen looked up at the Genosaurer.

"Humph" was Raven's response. The Genosaurer was in pretty bad shape. The whole ZOID looked like it was about to collapse. The truth was that Raven had come very close to losing his battle with Van, though right now he was too proud to admit it.

"Ah, I'll see to it that it gets fixed up as quickly as possible. Though, I really don't need you to do anything right now. You can relax if you'd like."

Raven was about to say that he _could_ use a sabbatical or a vacation when a high-pitched screaming noise rang through the hangar. He and Prozen both turned around at once. It came as no surprise to Raven that it was his hostage doing the screaming.

He silently watched the soldiers drag the girl away, no doubt to a dirty dungeon below. His eyes lingered upon the tiny figure, dressed in her dirty pink clothes.

Don't think about her anymore. She's out of your hands. You'll never have to look at her again.

Good riddance.

But Prozen surprised him again. He shouted after the soldiers who were dragging the girl. "Hey! Be gentle with her! I don't want anything broken or it'll be your lives."

He cocked an eyebrow. Surely that… _female_ didn't mean that much to Prozen, did she?

Then, with no other mission to complete (and being dreadfully tired after chasing a girl halfway through the desert), Raven retired to his quarters to sleep.

But something kept him up for a good part of the night. It kept bugging him in the darkness, and he didn't even know what it was. At first he thought he was just restless after such an unnerving mission. Then he thought that maybe it was Van, that virtuous, honest boy who made him sick to his stomach. Perhaps killing him had left Raven uneasy and fidgety; there was no challenge in anything anymore. But he quickly turned that idea down.

Next he thought of Fiona, but there was nothing about her or the situation she was in that made him apprehensive.

Finally, after tossing and turning for half of the night, he figured it out. It was something about Lord Prozen. Raven knew that the man had now become Emperor all thanks to the devastating control of his destructive ZOID. But there was something about his machine that was no doubt unnerving, almost as if it seemed too powerful for an ordinary man to command. How did he do it?

By then, Raven decided that it was the Deathsaurer that was bothering him and nothing more. Since he had figured it out, he should relax and have a dreamless sleep. He thought he never dreamed anymore. He hadn't had a dream (or remembered any of them) since… since he was little. But he couldn't remember anything from his short time of innocence either.

That night, around three A. M. he actually had a dream. But it was a _nightmare_, a nightmare about the Deathsaurer. The tremendous ZOID tortured his sleep, battling against him over and over, always winning. He woke up at around six in the morning due to the nightmares.

As a dark morning rose over the Empire, Raven found that he had a lot of time to think. He lay awake in bed in the small, gloomy bedroom Prozen had given him long ago.

Where's the Deathsaurer? I know that Prozen just controlled the Empire with it… but… where **is** that thing? There are not many places you can hide a huge ZOID like that. Another thing… that ZOID should be wild and running rampant. It follows orders from no one. How is Prozen able to control that thing?

Though he wouldn't openly admit it, that red monster intimidated Raven. He had heard the rumors, listened to the gossip, and remembered the stories that people said of an ancient demon that nearly killed off an entire race. He knew that it was the Deathsaurer they spoke of.

It was so dark, so quiet. The sun hadn't even risen yet.

I don't have to do anything until Prozen says so… Maybe I should go back to sleep or get something to eat…He chose sleep. He rolled over and closed his eyes, deciding not to think of the Deathsaurer. After all, it wasn't like it was really going to hurt him. Those were only dreams.

If he ever had to, he could destroy the Deathsaurer. Couldn't he?

I'm invincible…

I don't know what you're expecting of me

Put under the pressure

Of walking in your shoes

For nearly a week Raven kept the same routine. He would sleep in till ten, laze around Prozen's palace all day, avoid any human contact whatsoever, pilot his ZOID on training courses, and nap. Except for the training courses and avoiding human interaction, Raven _never_ got to do the other things before. Right now he really didn't feel like doing anything else, and Prozen was too preoccupied to give him a new mission. Even worse, ZOID hunting seemed to have lost its luster for the time.

That was just awful. Murdering those hunks of metal had always been a blissful joy for him. Now, however, there was an empty hollow feeling just thinking about it.

Right now he sat on the roof behind the immense palace, bored. Raven had nothing to do except to think. He was thinking about how he'd never really been bored before, how dull life now seemed, and how it was like Prozen was deliberately avoiding him. Sure, the new Emperor would be busy trying to get his kingdom in order, but Raven actually felt ignored. Normally, he would love this but…

It's almost like he doesn't need me anymore. The thought was actually scary. It wasn't like Raven _wanted_ Prozen's attention, but without it, there was reason to believe that he truly no longer needed him. He could be discarded like a broken toy.

The thought was actually scary. It wasn't like Raven Prozen's attention, but without it, there was reason to believe that he truly no longer needed him. He could be discarded like a broken toy.

I could always run away… Shadow and I don't need him to survive.

He cast a glance to the Organoid next to him. Shadow seemed content just to dose in the sun. Raven guessed that Shadow probably wanted to go off and destroy ZOIDS without him, but she remained loyal enough to just stick around.

Ha! I don't even need Shadow to survive. I can live without that insignificant little ZOID. Shadow means nothing to me, thought Raven, even though he didn't really believe himself.

Thoughts slowly flitted in and out of his mind. The sunlight seemed particularly strong today, and everything around him floated in a state of calm. Everything except for the distant wreckage of Guygalos. Only half of the once proud city remained.

That wouldn't be true if the Deathsaurer were around. It'd all be gone by now. I still haven't figured out where that thing **is**.

Suddenly he became restless. It just wasn't like him to sit around and do nothing. Raven decided to wander around the halls of the palace to visit places he hadn't seen in a while. (_Like I **have** been doing all **week**_, he thought cynically). He quickly aroused Shadow.

After coming inside from a window, the maverick made his way downstairs with the Organoid pacing behind him. He thought of going all of the way down into the dungeon rooms, but that place held some difficult memory for him. A strange chill ran down his spine whenever he got close to the torture chambers.

What do I know? I've never even been there before.

"Well, Shadow, maybe I should mark down all the places I've already been to. There must be _some_ place left unseen. Really, I've must've visited half the palace by now" he said. Again, all of his thoughts were bitterly sarcastic.

"Or maybe! Maybe I should just wander around until some poor, unfortunate soldier bumps into me. I'll say he looked at me funny even if he didn't. Then I can have an excuse to use him as a punching bag. You could slam him too if you wanted. What do you think, Shadow"

Raven didn't even look at the Organoid or wait for an answer. Instead he took a path he didn't remember just to see where it would take him. The lights in the halls dimmed till there were only shadows. The lights had all been shut out, and it was musty in the corridors. Obviously this place hadn't been used in a real long time.

Life is so dull now. By gods, Van, you made it interesting. At least then I had a challenge.

The hallway grew darker, and Raven found it difficult to see. He ran his left hand along the wall to keep from bumping into anything. Every once in awhile his hand would touch upon an old door you couldn't open anymore or the border of a large, fancy painting. Even in the darkness he managed to recognize that this hall held many elegant bedrooms reserved for royalty and rich guests. However, Prozen had shut off use to it years ago when the last emperor died, so nobody bunked there anymore.

I think I used to come down here all the time when I was seven or eight… I just can't remember exactly when. How long is this hall? Are any of the doors working and what's inside them? He kept a steady pace, walking quickly while trying to refresh his memory. Shadow's metallic clanking could be heard behind him.

I must've been seven…If that's true, then its been… nearly eight years ago. I'm almost fifteen now. Why'd it take me so long to remember?

All at once there seemed to be light up ahead. Raven narrowed his eyes, trying to make out what it was ahead. On one side of the hallway a door was open, and golden light gushed out.

"Hm" Raven slowed down instantly, not making a single sound when he took a step. "What is this? No one's allowed in here" he whispered to himself.

Raven halted ten feet from the open doorway. To his right, light flowed out like water. It was strangely beautiful and hypnotizing. He leaned a bit to his left so that he could peer inside. Shadow got very close without actually stepping into the light. The door was wide open, so Raven managed to catch a glimpse of the elegant wallpaper and a large, elaborate golden wall mirror.

Who left that door open? He took several wary steps forward. Shadow tensed up.

He froze when he heard breathing.

Who is in there?

The inhaling was raspy and gasping, and the exhaling was heavy with sleep. Cautiously Raven moved toward the sound, but he crept along the right wall so that he could get very close without actually being seen.

As long as she stayed out of the light, Shadow could get as close as she wanted to.

He reached the doorway's edge. His steps were muffled and the breathing shallow. No one would be able to hear him if they were awake. Hesitantly, Raven leaned forward a little so that he could see the mirror again. Maybe its reflection could show whom that person was inside of the room.

There was a beautiful, ornate drape with embroidered decorations hanging across a bed with four tall posts. The bed itself could not be seen since the drape completely covered the mattress. No person was visible, even though the breathing could still be heard. He'd have to actually stick his head in the doorway and look inside to see what was going on in there.

Raven held his breath and peered into the entrance.

It was his _Ancient Zoidian_.

(Caught in the undertow

Just caught in the undertow)

Every step that I take

Is another mistake to you

He could see her almost perfectly through the translucent drape, sleeping like a baby.

Raven was so stunned that at first he just stood in the doorway without blinking. Without _breathing_, even. He had not expected to see her, his _hostage_, sleeping angelically on such a refined bed reserved for the rich and royal. His thoughts nearly shattered, because he didn't know what a person was supposed to think about such a sight!

It was the need for oxygen that brought Raven back to his senses. He took in a deep breath. _Now_ he could think.

WHAT _is she doing here? _It was only typical for Raven to recognize the young blonde immediately. He had, of course, kidnapped her, bound her, chased her through the desert, and hand-delivered her to Prozen personally. He had seen her being dragged away towards what he thought was the dungeon rooms.

It was only typical for Raven to recognize the young blonde immediately. He had, of course, kidnapped her, bound her, chased her through the desert, and hand-delivered her to Prozen personally. He had seen her being dragged away towards what he thought was the dungeon rooms. 

More importantly… _WHY is she here? WHY isn't she in confinement where she belongs? _Dazed and a little miffed, he shuffled stiffly over to her bedside.

This is no place to keep a prisoner. It's too easy for her to escape with that door wide open and no one to guard her. WHAT is Lord Prozen thinking? Wait… I see it now. She escaped! She escaped but was too weak to even leave the palace! SO, she made her way here! Zoid Lords, can't Prozen afford better sentries? If he wanted me to bring this girl to him so badly, couldn't he at least keep a better eye on her?

Or maybe he put her in here so she could be comfortable. After all, he did make a huge deal out of me bringing her back. She's important to him for some reason so it'd only make sense that he'd treat her 'special.'

Still… _I **never** got a room like this! I deserve one after all I put up with to bring Blondie all the way over here! Why put her in such an exquisite chamber when all I have is a cramped little **coat** closet?_

Shadow seemed equally shocked. Raven heard the Organoid tense up and begin to growl in a low, deep voice. He knew that Shadow wanted to pounce-and-thrash. Instinctively he stepped in front to prevent any damage.

"Easy, easy! What's wrong with you? …" The Organoid tried to sidestep her master so she could lunge. Then Raven got it. "Oh… Embarrassed, Shadow? Embarrassed to see her here? You should be" he whispered"Little girl made a fool of you back there. You accidentally listened to her instead of me. You remember that, ne" The Organoid plopped down onto the floor in stifled anger.

Tired from asking questions (to himself _and_ Shadow), Raven decided to just figure it all out for himself (except for the thing about the bedrooms). Cautiously, he pulled away the pink and purple drape to see whether or not the girl really was sleeping. When he did, Raven received another surprise.

But this one wasn't funny.

There was blood stained all over her clothes, face, and arms. She was asleep, but it was obvious that the slumber was from total exhaustion instead of drowsiness. There were cuts on her shoulders that looked like slash marks, as if she had been whipped. Bruises, dark and purple, were scattered all across her visible skin.

What…?

The instant he saw her Raven's mind became blurred. For some reason he couldn't think straight anymore.

What is…? What happened to her? Did something… how did…? That's when he realized that he couldn't get his thoughts in order.

An incredibly uncomfortable feeling overtook him; one Raven had never experienced before. The idea flickered across his mind that he never before cared how much pain or injuries he'd caused a human before. Blood was as commonplace as water to him.

Then why _now_, in less than two seconds, had he felt so strange? Sick even?

Raven took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Immediately he sat down on the floor because he didn't feel well. It was almost like he could pass out any second… His head was spinning already, and he wasn't sure why.

Shadow immediately was at his side, not sure at why Raven was acting so strangely but more troubled by the fact that he looked sick. The boy took no notice of the Organoid and remained lost in thought, staring blankly ahead.

I've murdered people inside their ZOIDS hundreds of times. I've shot them without a second thought while they were writhing in agony on the ground. I've done it to a few **women** even!

Just… never before to someone who's… my own age.

He stood up, took another deep breath, and leaned over the girl's body for a better look. Most of the cuts looked like they were healing up, but the whip marks looked deep. A lot of the blood had dried onto her skin, clothes, and even her hair. In fact, her hair had lost its golden sheen from when he first kidnapped her. It looked like she hadn't had the chance to bathe in a week.

It made Raven's stomach churn just to listen to her breathing. It was like she had to struggle with each shallow breath, as if someone had taken sandpaper and rubbed her throat raw with it, and then place a lead weight on top of her lungs. Her chest rose and fell with great effort.

Raven looked away suddenly, completely overcome by this alien emotion. This feeling was completely new to him. All of his life he had been apathetic to the destruction and violence he had caused. Now, all of a sudden, he wanted to vomit at the sight of blood.

"I…" He stumbled away from the bed, nearly tripping. He had been so affected by what he just saw that he had started talking to himself. "I need to… go. I've… got things to do."

Raven walked stiffly away without once looking back. As soon as he was out of the bedroom, he ran down the hallway aimlessly. He didn't really care when he bumped into something in the darkness.

Alarmed, Shadow immediately set out to follow. What was the matter with her Master? The sight certainly hadn't affected the small ZOID; Shadow was as used to it as Raven was.

Raven ran towards the nearest bathroom and threw up in the toilet.

I've become so numb

I can't feel you there

I'm becoming tired

So much more aware

Later Raven wanted to kill himself for showing so much weakness.

It just didn't make sense. How could a person so used to death and blood have his stomach turned over by the sight of a mutilated girl? Was it because she looked innocent and content, sleeping like a baby on the gold-weave comforter, even though she was covered from head to toe in her own _blood_?

… Like a little doll dipped in red paint.

Angrily, Raven slammed his fist against the wall of his tiny bedroom. The plaster was so old and thin that it actually broke from the force. Both of his hands were balled into fists, ready to knock the lights out of an invisible enemy.

He was so angry with himself for being nauseated by the sight of blood and vomiting and running away and acting like a scared child and for… _almost_ showing compassion. The whole time he had stood over her he'd felt nothing but pity. Raven had truly wished that the girl wasn't suffering at all. And he… he… he couldn't even sort out the rest of his feelings and trauma right now.

… Clean that little doll. Make her skin porcelain again. That's what I wanted to do…

That was the most unacceptable thing he had ever done in his life. He wasn't supposed to be weak. He wasn't supposed to be polite, caring, or gentle to any woman, man, or child. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone or anything in any way at all.

Shadow had wisely made scarce. Raven wasn't exactly the best person to hang around with when he was in one of these moods.

He threw himself onto his bed in frustration after punching the wall a second time. He wanted to destroy the whole planet ten times over right now. He wanted to kill every last living, breathing creature, and kill them slow so that they all suffered with every last breath. He wanted to march back into that girl's room and strangle her, force her to cough up blood. But he couldn't bring himself to stand now; it was all too much for him to bear.

His fists gripped the dirty old blanket, twisting it this way and that in his rage.

What's the matter with that idiot Prozen? He wanted that girl alive because she was an Ancient Zoidian. He stressed about getting her back healthy, how important she was in his conquest to find that stupid ZOID Eve. Then he goes and almost kills her! If that girl is so significant to him, why did he whip her and beat her half to death?

After a while Raven finally calmed down and let his hands relax.

That's not like him. Some idiot watchman must've thought that Prozen wanted her to suffer, so he beat her black and blue. Prozen will find out eventually and punish that baka._ He's no fool. And just because he's snuffed out a few people to get his way… Well… Prozen wouldn't… _

Would he?

Nah. What's-her-face is too important to him; he would never mean for her to get hurt. I wouldn't.

baka. 

Raven smacked himself all of a sudden.

He just did it again! In his thoughts he had defended her. Defended _her_! Raven groaned and buried his face in a thin pillow.

Forget Prozen! WHAT is the matter **me**_? A few days ago I didn't even care if she **existed **(I didn't even **know** she still existed). Last week I wanted to **kill** her._

The emotional stress finally caught up to him in that moment and he felt exhausted. It was like he had just run a ten-mile marathon. Instead of attempting to figure out his problem, Raven fell asleep after several agonizing hours of mental torment.

It was the most restless, inconsolable sleep he had ever had.

I'm becoming dense

All I want to do

Is be more like me

And be less like you

Shadow came back to him that afternoon. The Organoid paced silently into the room and nudged Raven's shoulder. Her master ignored the wake-up call and merely rolled over. The Organoid's tail flicked impatiently. Then Shadow reached forward and pushed Raven off of the bed with her snout. She stepped over the landing zone casually.

"Go away! Get away from me" was the first thing Raven said the instant he landed on the floor. It took him nearly a minute to realize that Shadow was the one who had woken him up.

"Sh… Shadow" he cried. His voice contained something unnatural- something frightened. "You… You're… I-I…"

Shadow took a small step backwards, unsure about Raven's little outburst.

"Where did you go, you piece of trash? Stop sneaking off like that, _baka_! What would happen if I was to need you and you weren't around? Quit it or I'll have Prozen scrap you and I'll just get myself a new Organoid. I can do that, you know."

Now _that_ sounded like Raven.

He sighed heavily. Raven made no attempt to stand up from the floor (though he did manage to sit up). All at once it became obvious that _something_ was taking a toll on Raven's emotions. The youth was suffering internally from it, though Raven did his best to cover it up. The scowl on his face was merely a mask.

Shadow had always expected Master to be bad-tempered with a devil-may-care attitude. Could it be… the Deathsaurer perhaps?

"What do you want, Shadow" Raven asked very quietly after several moments.

The Organoid was now doubly confused by Master's behavior. Where had this tired, gloomy teenager come from? On her little excursion, Shadow had discovered something about the Deathsaurer that Raven should know. Perhaps… it could mean his _life_.

But… it could wait. It wasn't like his life was in immediate danger. Raven certainly didn't need to know _now_.

No, not now while this usually heartless orphan looked like he carried the world's weight on his shoulders.

It was too bad that Shadow couldn't notice that Raven needed her company now more than ever.

Suddenly the metallic creature slipped quickly out of the door and disappeared into the dark hallways.

Standing up, Raven ran to the doorway and tried to follow, but he couldn't even see the Organoid anymore in the darkness. He was alone again.

"Oh… ye gods, Shadow. Now where are you going" Raven shouted into the blackness. No reply came. He decided to just stay in his room and sulk when he became aware of the dead silence about him. It was as if everyone had left the palace, just as Shadow had left him.

The silence was… downright unnerving.

It was here in the silence that a picture of _her_ entered his thoughts, almost as if she were forcing her way into his mind. A call for relief… a _demand_ for help. The cry stated that he was responsible for her pain. He and only he. Raven almost gave in to the bloodied picture in his head and went to her. Almost.

What's wrong with me? I'm going soft… I've got to stop it.

But how?

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Holding too tightly

Afraid to lose control

That night Raven gathered up his few belongings and left them on his bed. He took the small blade from the pile and hid it somewhere under the layers of his dark clothing.

It was tonight or never.

The Ancient Zoidian, Elise Lynette, had clawed her away under his skin and into his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about all of that blood stained into her delicate pink clothing, the angelic figure covered in gore.

Raven took several deep breaths, trying to prepare himself for what he was about to do.

With Prozen ignoring him unnaturally, the ominous disappearance of the Deathsaurer, the unforeseen compassion suddenly replacing the familiar hate, and the lust of battle dying within him, Raven felt as if he was going crazy.

He stepped out of his room and glanced around. The passages were all dark, and it didn't look like anyone was on guard duty. He made sure that he was alone in the blackness. Then he stole away into the corridors, searching out the only place in the huge palace containing faded beauty.

In the blackness he bumped into… something. Tripped over it, actually. Then the 'it' moved. Raven wasn't sure what to expect until he head the thing growl.

"Sh… Shadow" he whispered hoarsely. "Are you insane? What are you doing sleeping out in the middle of the corridor" He simply stood up and ignored the Organoid

When he entered the hallway where **she** was, he took extra care to make sure that no one was around, no one was watching him. In the darkness he laid his right hand on the knife hidden under his black cloak.

Raven was going to kill her.

He pulled out the knife and moved quickly again. It was easier to see where he was going because the light spilling out from **_her_** bedroom showed him the way. Within seconds he was inside her roomette.

Just as Raven knew she would be, she was still deep in sleep, completely unaware that she was going to die. He held the silvery blade lightly as he took small, uneasy steps towards her. When he stood by her bedside he lifted up the bandaged hand that still clutched the knife. He was more than ready to plunge it into her heart.

It was quite simple. He would murder Elise Lynette while she slept. Then he would walk away like nothing happened. Of course, on the off chance that someone saw him while he went back to his room, Raven would make a break for it. He'd grab his belongings and get into his ZOID before Prozen could find that his precious, little broken doll was dead. Raven would be free at last. Shadow could come too if she wanted. All he had to do was bring his arm down and stab Elise.

Suddenly the girl whimpered softly and very helplessly in her sleep, mentally disarming Raven entirely. For some inane reason he noticed that her breathing had gotten much, much worse since he had last seen her. Not only that, but her cheeks were soaked as if she had woken up and then cried herself back to sleep. Every once in a while she'd shiver feverishly, defenselessly—like she needed help and comfort.

"I-I… I won't." Hours of mental preparation were wasted by that one little, defenseless whimper. "I won't… Can't do this" he mumbled.

Raven put the knife away.

So… I guess this is the real reason I've never tried to destroy a village. In fact, I've never even touched a child.

Shadow finally paced in, wondering what was going on. Raven heard the metallic footsteps clinking in. He glanced at her, hoping that the Organoid would figure out for herself what had just happened.

She didn't. Suddenly Shadow stiffened up and began to gnarl threateningly. Raven panicked. Would the Organoid try to pounce again?

When Shadow launched forward, Raven tried to step in front of her and grab her snout. The small ZOID slowed down considerably and stopped entirely, though she continued to thrash about.

"No… Stop, you idiot" he almost cried out.

Under normal circumstances, Shadow wouldn't listen. But there was a note of desperation in Master's voice that made her obey out of alarm. What had happened to the Raven she knew?

When he was sure that Shadow had calmed down, Raven turned his gaze back to the girl. Amazingly, she hadn't seemed to have heard any of that, and she continued to slumber peacefully.

He simply stared at her afterwards for the longest time. Somehow this weak, unhealthy female had the power to stop him from hurting her. Somehow she had shaken him from his foundations of cruelty.

And Raven downright despised her for it, but he couldn't do a thing about it.

She looks like a porcelain doll with cracks.

Raven slowly took off the thick bandages on his right hand. The wound was still extremely tender, and it might never heal if he didn't give it the chance. He tried to ignore how awful it looked and what he had done to earn it. Then, with an alien gentleness he had never known before, he reached out and placed his palm on the girl's head. He could almost hear Shadow flinch.

Quickly he snatched his hand back. There were two reasons for doing so. One reason was because he had just shown a new level of weakness that made Raven want to lock himself up in a torture room forever and ever. The other was because her forehead was burning hot to the touch.

"What's happened to you, Zoidian" he scarcely whispered.

Almost as if she were responding to the question, Fiona groaned quietly in pain.

While he stared, Raven noticed something he hadn't seen before. The blanket under her was stained with blood, and it didn't take long for him to figure out that someone had whipped her back till she bled.

I hope Prozen doesn't think it was me. He will seriously kill the person who hurt his precious Zoidian.

Her clothes were torn in places where the whip had cut through. Blood soiled the edges. There were tears in the cloth in other places, where she had obviously put up a struggle against the man with the whip. Or maybe she had been fighting against something else…

Another thought entered Raven's mind, and it made him feel so queasy he could have thrown up on top of her. In fact, he felt worse now than the _first_ time he'd seen her. This time, however, there was a stinging numbness forming in the back of his mind…

Did he… did he try to… did that, that **pervert**…?

Come to think of it… this room looks like a quickie motel room…

Of course, that would explain the fancy room with the fancy bed with the Gucci blanket and the Persian rug under it. That idea made perfect sense if the playboy who beat the defenseless girl was left alone in this "romantic" room with her. There were several soldiers around who would actually jump at the chance to do so, and Raven wouldn't put it beneath any of them.

Warily the boy moved his eyes down her body, expecting the worst.

Ease seeped slowly throughout his mind when he saw that the insides of her legs weren't covered in blood. He dreaded that whoever thrashed her had also tried to rape her.

I'm…almost… I'm almost… glad that I was wrong.

Of course, I have a headache now. I think I make myself sick. Ah! I can't believe I just **looked** there. Ye gods…!

After a few minutes of silent relief (and self-rebuking of behaving like a paranoid nanny), Raven decided that it was time to leave. He was wearied all over again and wanted to go to sleep. Shadow flicked her tail impatiently, wanting to leave too. Turning around to run along to his bedroom, he shot Fiona one last, spiteful look.

"I hate you. You've destroyed my basic nature." He stopped abruptly then; almost as if there was something else he wanted to say but couldn't figure out what. It didn't take long for the words to come back though.

Without warning his voice got deadly quiet. "It's your fault I'm such a mess right now. That's right. It's _your _fault. I went crazy and almost killed you and that's _your_ fault." Suddenly Raven took off his cloak. His voice, though still quiet, became less hard. "You're shivering from fever, and I think that this sickness is _your_ fault too. Here."

Gently he placed the cloak over Fiona's small body. The shivering seemed to damper down immediately.

"There you are. No more shivering so Prozen won't blame it all on me and kill me, okay? See? You _see_ what's happened to me? I'm a freakin' _pansy_ now 'cause of you. Prozen will kill me anyway 'cause I'm a frickin' over-emotional _pansy_ again. And that's _your_ fault. Now the only way to be normal again is if I go out and kill something. Then that future dead thing will be _your_ fault too."

Though he tried to sound angry and ticked off, he was too flustered to sound anything but laughable. If that girl could just hear him ramble now… she'd probably think it was funny and that he was _crazy_.

Shadow was making very strange, uncomfortable noises behind him. Raven couldn't be sure whether the Organoid wanted to kill him, commit suicide, or both.

"I must be outta my mind…" Something in the back of his head reminded him that he was sleepy.

Shadow's tail thumped hard on the ground, making him jump. Without warning, she left the room and stood outside the doorway, expecting Master to follow. Raven nodded at her but shot the girl one last glance.

"I'll be back for my cloak in the morning… Goodnight, Zoidian."

Raven walked out of the door. After about ten paces or so, he ran back inside to her bedside. In an act of tenderness even more out of character, Raven tucked his black cloak in around Fiona's shoulders like a blanket. Shadow could've died. Instead, she ran off. Satisfied with this bizarre, completely random act of kindness, the boy left for bed.

As he walked out, Raven hoped that Shadow wouldn't flip out and turn on him. The poor Organoid would then run all over the palace searching for her _real_ master who was tied and gagged in a dungeon somewhere. Raven could have laughed out loud just picturing that. Instead he almost walked into a wall because it was so dark and he was becoming too sleepy to pay attention.

Once in his room, he knocked everything off of his bed and threw himself on top of it. He fell asleep almost instantly.

It was the first peaceful sleep he had in a long, long time.

'Cause everything that you want me to be

Has fallen apart

Right in front of you

Raven did come back in the morning for his cloak. And he came back again that afternoon. And again that night. And again the next day. And again… Poor Shadow didn't know what to do about it, though she did make it very clear from that she didn't want Raven around the girl.

He visited her whenever he needed to ponder about something long and hard (usually about… nothing). For some reason, listening to her ragged but steady breathing gave Raven the leisure to daydream for hours. For some reason Fiona's room was the only place he could just fantasize in. He could think about anything and let his mind open up to any topic for hours on end, but that wasn't always a good thing for him.

On the third day of his spontaneous visits to Fiona, Shadow disappeared. Just up and left. Again. When he found out that the Organoid had gone again, he felt emptiness everywhere.

Raven couldn't stand Shadow's sudden disappearance. But instead of getting angry about it, he'd only go back to visit Fiona some more. While Shadow was away, he decided go there for "company."

But of course Raven would rather die painfully (with a hot poker and a cattle prod) than admit that (_especially_ to himself, mind you). AND of course, no little girlie girl could ever take Shadow's place.

Instead he made up an excuse. The excuse itself was actually true.

He wanted to know why Fiona had made such an impact on his behavior. Did it have something to do with her Zoidian heritage? Raven wanted to hang around until he found out. But that was only part of it.

Raven's past had always been a mystery to him, and he could never recall any memory before the age of ten (when he got Shadow). However, with the extra time he got to himself, Raven suddenly found himself recollecting memories from his past all the way back to the age of seven. Though they were sporadic moments in time and sometimes didn't make sense (pulling the trigger of a gun to long test on ZOID models to a young maidservant bandaging his knee to learning to pilot a ZOID), each remembrance was valuable.

Fiona slept all day, because rests assured Raven wouldn't be anywhere _near_ her bedroom if she was awake. It was almost like he was afraid of confronting her when she was conscious. Once he nearly fell asleep sitting at her bedside, but suddenly she began to toss and turn violently, telltale signs that she was about to awaken. The abrupt movement forced Raven back to reality, and he was gone before she even opened her eyes.

Now, he didn't think of her as _his_ Zoidian, but a variety of names pertaining to Zoidian, the Girl, or simply as Elise Lynette. He knew that Van had called her something else, but he couldn't remember what it was.

Began with an "F" I think…

However Raven was certain that he didn't care a bit. Besides, he no longer enjoyed the last memory he had of Van.

But at the end of his last visit, Raven noticed that Fiona had become significantly worse. She was chilled constantly, always shivering like it was 60 below 0 Celsius, but she was burning hot to the touch. Beads of sweat slid down her forehead, leaving streaks along her dirty face. Raven discovered an increase in the slash marks; more blood stained the blanket and her clothes, and large tears in her clothing appeared from repeated beatings.

Looks like Prozen hasn't checked on his prisoner in a while. I am **definitely** not kidding myself when I say that he'll execute the idiot who did this.

Mentally Raven noted how threadbare her wardrobe had become. Obviously her clothes were just too worn out to take anymore of the thrashings. They were falling apart already.

Already?

She's been here for over a week now. That's a long time on it's own. Only Eve knows how long she's been going through this.

He was sitting by her bedside, just listening to her ragged breathing. It was almost becoming an unhealthy fascination for him: watching an ill person in pain. For so long he'd been desensitized to this- the pain and damage he caused. Now it had affected him in ways he never thought possible.

She can't last much longer like this. Maybe I should tell Lord Prozen what's going on. He's probably too busy to find out for himself. No. Then he'd know that I was coming down here. If he knew that I was… 'watching out' _for his Zoidian, he'd probably throw me into the torture chamber for five years until I was myself again. 'Myself' is, obviously, a person with no heart… only blackness. He won't let anyone soft do his dirty work. _

Oh, so that's it then. That's a real downer/

That's what's the matter with me. I've **actually** become soft. As soft as Van. Softer than the goose feathers in these Oriental throw pillows…

What is an "Oriental" anyway?

Fiona sniveled suddenly in her sleep and rolled over, away from Raven. It was distracting enough to snap him out of his rambling thoughts. The young maverick only cocked his head to one side in curiosity. Curiosity quickly changed to alarm.

The whip marks on her back were enormous, and each one still bled profusely. The back of her shirt was nearly torn to shreds and _dripping _thick red liquid.

Can she feel any pain when she sleeps? Does it hurt? It'll leave scars that will never heal… if she lives. But…

She doesn't look like she's going to live.

She looks like a corpse.

She will die unless someone helps her.

Instantly there was a full-out battle going on in Raven's head. Most of him did not even want to be within a hundred meters of this girl, and objected to his coming down here anyway. The lonely, smaller part of him wanted to stick around and help out until she recovered.

Goodness hardly ever put up much of a fight, making it that much easier to ignore. But Raven couldn't ignore a gore-covered carcass that still lived.

It doesn't have to be me, does it? Prozen, you idiot! Come over and check up on your little dove. She's sick and dying. I don't **want** to help her. I may be over here losing all my hardness and stomach for battle… I may be feeling like a real pansy right now (not just a pansy, but a milksop, pantywaist coward! **Rgh**!) I may be all alone with no one to care about but myself… but I **do not**, **will not**, help her.

Fiona coughed violently all of a sudden. Raven could almost _hear_ her lungs rattling from the force.

Okay, I'll do it. If I don't, Prozen will cut my throat for letting his precious little doll die. I think I'll start with the cuts. They need to be cleaned up and the bleeding has to stop.

But I won't do anymore to help her. I'm crossing a line just by seeing her as it is. Perhaps by tomorrow Prozen will know what's happened to his Zoidian. Then I'll be free to train and battle till I'm myself again.

A sabbatical sounds good right now…I need a vacation from my "vacation."

Raven walked out feeling woozy. It wasn't long before he came back with a bowl of warm water and a wash cloth.

With a tenderness that was still strange to him (and a head that just didn't feel right at all), Raven gently began to scrub her forehead. Then he cleaned her face with much more softness, as if he were almost afraid to touch her… The truth was that he didn't even feel comfortable with human contact at all (unless it was beating the tar out of someone in a fistfight. Then it was _enjoyable_). Right now, he had to admit he was contradicting himself by even being here at all. And he still didn't know why!

When he started to brush the cloth against her arms strange thoughts would flit into his mind.

Zoid Lords, do I look ridiculous right now?

Suppose someone walks in right now. What will they think? Suppose its Prozen. I'll bet he'll laugh at me too. Then he'll throw me in a dungeon for being a pansy.

What kind of work does an Emperor do that keeps him busy all day? Or maybe he's out piloting that stupid Deathsaurer of his.

Ugh. The blood is starting to turn.

Prozen piloting a ZOID. Why can't I picture that without smiling?

I wonder if she knows I'm right here… with her?

He glanced at her sleeping face. That's all it took. Without intending to, Raven held his gaze there for nearly a minute. He didn't even _know_ that he was staring. Mentally he compared her pale face to that of the Far East dolls lining the shelves in the room. _Quaint_, he thought. _And… serene too. Like the moonshine._

It was then Raven realized that his cheeks were burning.

Suddenly he broke his gaze away from her and looked at the floor. He felt undeniable shame. Embarrassed, cheeks flaming, he scorned himself for having such thoughts. _China dolls… of all things…_

Why did he feel… flushed…? (If that was even the correct term for it?) Taking an unsteady glance at the mirror behind him, Raven saw that his cheeks were touched with crimson.

Th-that's never happened to me before…he thought distantly. He shook his head in disgust. He had never blushed before in his young life, and now that it had happened he found that he didn't like it. Didn't like the way his face looked and what his emotions were doing.

Raven decided that he just wouldn't look at her face at all. Watching her sleep was… distracting.

After he had calmed down a bit, he could daydream again, but this time without looking at the Zoidian girl.

I can't remember what color her eyes are… Strange, because when I first kidnapped her I looked right into them, trying to scare her… You'd think I'd remember what color eyes she'd had then. 'Course, I can't remember her name either.

She's so bony too… Whoever is in charge of her isn't giving her much food. She'll starve…

For nearly an hour he washed, dipping the cloth into the warm water to cleanse it from time to time. The water had turned to a reddish shade by then. All of his movements were forced and mechanical, like a robot's… but surprisingly gentle.

Eventually though, he was surprised at himself for actually _having_ such a light touch. All his life his hands could bring death to anyone he chose, whether they held the controls or a gun or a knife. But he wondered at how his hands could bring something besides torture. These hands, rough and hardened as they were, were gentle enough to… to… touch this fragile girl without hurting her or waking her up. That in itself was a shock.

Never thought I was capable of… being merciful. He sat there on the ground, playing this lone thought over and over in his head.

Deliriously lost in this idea, Raven took a shaky right hand and curled his fingers. He placed his hand lightly on Fiona's cheek… and softly ran his fingers up and down, stroking the left side of her face. The unfamiliar sensation that came from this was undeniably… pleasant, almost _enjoyable_.

But it quickly changed to alarm when he felt the same, uncomfortable feeling of his burning cheeks, an uneasy stomach.

He pulled away roughly, dropping the damp kerchief. In an effort to distance himself from Fiona's body, Raven stood up and backed against the wall as fast as he could.

"I can't believe just how far I've fallen" he whispered to himself. "Maybe it would be better… better if I asked Prozen for an assignment, or a vacation…" He felt his face grow hotter still. "Why did I do that? Why am I even in here with her" Wiping the sweat of his forehead with the back of a clammy hand, Raven tried to calm himself down.

The truth was horrible. Raven couldn't **_stand_** showing gentle, kind-hearted emotions to anyone, even himself. And if he couldn't care about himself, who else was there to care about?

No one… I can care about no one… can I?

Raven remained where he was for several more minutes. His face was buried in his hands as he suffered internally. There was a searing pain in his head…

I can't handle this… this… whatever it is. I just can't. I don't want it…Don't want…Ugh, I feel awful… what's the matter with me?

Finally his headache began to clear up after several more minutes. Raven lifted his head up but couldn't bring himself to even look at the bed in front of him.

I can't see her anymore. I **won't** see her anymore. I don't want any human companionship. I don't want to show compassion, or friendship, or kindness, or whatever they call it! I don't even… like myself… so how can I stand another person?

Shadow was right for not liking this.

I'm not coming back.

The instant that decision was made Raven started to walk slowly towards the door. He stared at the floor the whole time. He didn't look back inside when he walked out. He didn't even glance back towards the door. Nor did he even look behind him when he left the hallway. His decision was made.

"And I don't want to go back."

Even so, Raven felt a faint regret in the pit of his stomach.

But she'll die if no one is there to take care of her.

Every step that I take

Is another mistake to you

And every second I waste

Is more than I can take!

Raven could hear their voices long before he even came close to their chambers. Even though over half of them were close to whispers, some rose shrilly in hysterical laughter. It was the type of laughter that didn't arise from something funny, but it was a crazy response to a hopeless situation.

He stopped ten feet before the entrance of their quarters. For a moment Raven debated on whether or not he should go in. Several voices, female, came sharply from the inside, like screams. There was a smell of cleansing bleach coming out with the breeze.

This place was not the torture chamber. These were the maids quarters.

Raven took another step forward and hesitated. They would see him at any moment now; the door was wide open. What would their reactions be when they lay sight on him? Would they recognize him? But there was a reason that he had come here, and he wasn't about to turn around now.

He put on his best malevolent face and marched inside like a well-trained soldier.

The smell of fabric softener and chlorine hit him like a wave. The faces of the many women didn't turn to him right away, nor did they even notice who he was at first. But soon their faces turned to fear as he continued to scowl. Inwardly Raven smiled. It was good to know that he was both feared and respected.

Those who didn't know him, mostly the very young maids of about nine or ten, turned questioningly to the older ones. Whispers broke out like hives among them. Somewhere in the distance the sound of a washing machine stirred up. All at once Raven understood why it smelled like laundry in this place.

This is where Prozen makes them do the laundry. Right here where they "live."

He wasn't about to be distracted from his task, however. Raven kept walking forward, ignoring the stares and the scared whispers surrounding him. It worked for only a short time, though.

He realized he could name a few of them, especially the maids Prozen liked the best. He even noticed one or two that had taken care of him when he was really young. But Raven wasn't here for them. All he needed was one.

He tried to take his mind off of this by forcing himself to listen to the murmured gossip in the corridors. He wasn't surprised when he heard them talking about him.

"…_See that boy? See him? _Don't _talk_ to him! Have you heard _of the terrible things he's done…?_"

"How old is he now…? Fourteen? Fifteen? Kaede, I don't think even he _knows_…"

"…Does he really destroy whole battalions of ZOIDS, Nat-chan? By Eve, that's what I heard…"

"… That's right, Yuki-chan. Prozen's little hitman. Yeah, that's him. He'll kill anybody. Don't look at him, don't talk to him, don't… _Eve!_ Do you think he heard me just now? What will he do to me if…"

Once a young maidservant, a little seven-year-old who was probably another maid's daughter, looked up at Raven and said hello. He pretended not to notice even as another maid (presumably her mother) snatched her by the arm and shushed her. This woman eyed Raven worriedly, as if asking for forgiveness.

None of them seemed right. Every one he saw seemed too old or too catty, too young or too frightened, even irresponsible. A few them even seemed crazy to boot. And that wouldn't do at all. He couldn't choose any of them so far; he'd have to find someone who was just right…

He approached an area that was nearly deserted, save for a few voices scattered throughout. Raven was about to turn a corner that would lead him deeper into the maid's quarters. But something stopped him. It was the voices of a pair of maids who hadn't seen him yet; they were just around the corner, and he could certainly tell that they weren't talking about _him_. For some reason, he just stopped and listened.

"… It seems odd, doesn't it"

"Hmm, what"

"Prozen."

"All I know is that the man is busy. Mia, the one who brings him his meals, says she hasn't seen him come out of his office in a week. Other than that, I haven't heard anything out of the ordinary… Tell me."

"Oh, Sigel, I can't believe you! Haven't you heard about the strange moods he's been in lately"

"No… what are they like"

"Well, it's like he's a whole new person. Ah, sometimes anyway. I heard this from Regina who heard it from Orihime who heard it from Isis who was going personally to clean Prozen's bedroom…"

"Oh, I'm sick of hearing gossip and rape stories, Sora! They're so awful…"

"No! No, listen. She ran into him, but nothing like that happened. Apparently, he was in a very good mood, one like she's never seen him in. It was the type of mood the late Rudolph was sometimes in before his grandfather died."

"And? I'm not believing this, just so you know."

"Ugh. Anyway, he said that Orihime was doing a very fine job and that he respected her and all of the other maids."

"You're kidding! When was this"

That's what I want to know, thought Raven. He knew Prozen, knew the type of man he was. _Manipulative, deceitful, unmerciful, no better than me on the inside…'Course, I've always suspected him of being a pervert…_

thought Raven. He knew Prozen, knew the type of man he was. 

"Two days after he became Emperor. _Two days_."

"Even with that awful machine of his running around destroying the rest of Guylos? It's just terrible! How could that man let the Deathsaurer loose on his _own_ country? Thank the gods that it's not anywhere near Gaigalos…"

So that's why it wasn't around… It's running around the rest of the continent. 'Splains that…

"That's just it, Sigel. That's what I'm getting at. Anyway, the day after another nursemaid was up in his room to clean up. She ran into him too. But it wasn't the same story that Orihime gave me. This time Prozen seemed like, like a monster."

"He can be a grouch. We all know that."

"I know, but he was ten times worse than what he used to be… before he became Emperor. He raped and then beat her… and she _died_, Sigel."

The gentler voice that was Sigel's became choked-up. "Wha…. What…? A-are you serious? Sora… you're joking! I-I-I can't be-believe that… who was it"

"Young Jenna."

Her voice nearly cried out before going soft and then increasing again in bitter anger and tears. "B-but she was only fourteen! I… I was… wondering why I didn't see her… Oh… How did this happen, Sora, tell me! Why did he do that and…? How can you even be sure it was him"

"I don't know. I've been listening to the same stories from some of the other maids who are brave enough to talk. Apparently Prozen acts like the perfect gentlemen on some days, and then becomes a murderer-rapist the next while other times acting just like his plain old self! It's lunacy"

"Are you sure this isn't just some story Isis made up? I-I mean y-you know how she is and gossip… spreads… Jenna could be out sick and in her room…"

"They removed the body just so we wouldn't know, Sigel! I actually saw them carry her out" The other maid took a steady breath as if she were about to burst into tears and anger herself. "There are many sides to him now. I can't be too sure about this, but it could possibly be the only thing that makes sense. That Deathsaurer… I think it's pure evil all on it's own."

Sigel sniffed heavily. "I… I know. I never thought that any ZOID could be truly evil… but it is."

"More than you can imagine, Sigel. I think, it is trying to control Prozen's _mind_."

"What"

"Hear me out; just listen. This thing, it wants to control Prozen's mind to further its destruction. I think that's what we see when his Lordship goes out of his mind and beats people to death and goes absolutely mad. However, Prozen must have realized this. That's why he set that thing loose, so he wouldn't fall under its power."

"This is crazy, Sora. Where'd you come up with this stuff? It's far too outlandish…"

"… I've heard soldier's talk, let's say. They're mighty afraid of what's going on too. If the Deathsaurer weren't around at all, then I think that Lord—excuse me—that _Emperor_ Prozen would be that perfect gentleman I talked about earlier. Being the emperor was his life's dream, so I'd suppose he'd mellow out once he achieved that. But with that monster of a ZOID… and all of this coming at him at once… It's madness, Sigel, plain madness."

"Your idea, you mean" she responded softly. "That's some story… Couldn't you have been a tad gentler when you told me about Jenna? I loved that girl"

Sora's voice took a worrying tone. "Hey, are you going to be all right? Oh dear, maybe I shouldn't have told you."

"No" her voice seemed stronger now; "I'm fine, thank you. I think just I need some rest."

"Okay. Goodbye Sigel."

"Yes, quite. Goodbye."

Well that was interesting, thought Raven. _I couldn't imagine Prozen being the 'perfect gentleman.' These women are stupid, talking as if gossip were all truth. Besides, they don't know him like I do. _

The name Sigel sounds familiar too. Well, they all do.

How do I know all of these people?

I'm **sick** of my life's mysteries…

thought Raven. 

Raven shrugged his shoulders. He had to continue moving. Without really thinking, he turned the corner abruptly. One of the maids who had been talking earlier was still there.

I've become so numb

I can't feel you there

I've become so tired

So much more aware

Raven almost walked head on into the young maid (he hadn't been looking where he was going). Luckily he stopped himself in time. Luckier still was the fact that she hadn't seen him. She was leaning down into a nearby closet trying to open a box. She seemed unaware as to what she looked like to bystanders.

She had heard his footsteps, though.

"Isis? Is that you" She asked tersely, completely oblivious to her position.

Without hesitation Raven asked"What are you doing" Translation: _What are you doing that involves leaning all the way down? It's very provocative, in case you didn't know._

"What am I? Oh, it's only you, Fletcher" she said when she heard his voice. Raven noted that Fletcher was the name of one of the few manservants in the palace. "Listen, I need a hand… here… I'm trying to take something out of this box… and unwrap it…"

She still hadn't realized her body's awkward position. "Oh" said Raven. "It looks nice." Inwardly he noted that he'd never joked like that before.

"But I haven't even unwrapped it yet."

"Well, I'm sure it would look even better that way." Raven tried not to grin.

"It's something that Prozen… requested. Maybe you could run it down to him once I get it… Rgh" The maid growled in frustration after the box failed to open. "Fletcher, please, give me a hand."

"Oh, you say it but you don't mean it."

The girl finally took the hint. Blushing furiously at his words, she stood up and wheeled around to yell at him (and possibly to slap him). She opened her mouth first in anger and then in astonishment and then in fear. He immediately recognized her as one of the other maids that took care of him once. Raven grinned when he saw her shocked face.

Ah, so she remembers me too (all too well, I see). Something in him clicked and said"That's the one."

The maid's bright blue eyes were very wide as she struggled to stand up straight. She had difficulty doing so, as she kept stumbling over her long, white apron. To tell the truth, Raven was feeling slightly awkward himself. Seconds ago he had been teasing this girl and now she was cowering in fear. Neither one said anything for nearly half a minute, even though the unpleasant moment seemed to last hours.

"R…Rae…" The maid had trouble finding her voice. Anything she said sounded scratched and faint. "It's you… you're R-r…"

"Raven. And you are Sigil (A statement, not a question)." _Looks like I know her a little too well…_

The frightened young woman nodded her head in anxiety, her low black pigtails bobbing up and down. She seemed eager to leave as soon as she could, but stood up as straight and stiff as a board. Raven pretended not to notice.

"W-w-wh-hat… what a-are you d-doing… here" She began to stutter dreadfully and look around her anxiously, as if she half-expected for Prozen to pop up too. Or maybe she was looking for help from another bypassing maid? It was almost funny how they had all disappeared so suddenly…

Raven had been planning for this. "Prozen has summoned you. He sent me to get you. You will come with me (a command, not a question)." Without looking at her for an instant longer, he whirled around and began to walk briskly away.

Timidly, the maid followed.

I'm becoming dense

All I want to do

Is be more like me

And be less like you

"You are to take care of her until further notified. You must come every day during breakfast, lunch, and supper and serve her some food. There's a corrupt sentry running around who beat her and left her to die. That means she's injured and needs the most tender of care. Be sure to treat her wounds carefully."

Raven was leading the young, frightened maid to the abandoned hallways of the rich. He promised himself that he wouldn't go see the Zoidian girl anymore… but he couldn't sleep at night… just thinking about how she'd die without help…

"She needs new clothes. They are far too bloodstained and tattered for her to wear anymore. Prozen doesn't like to be bothered about such things. He expects that the next time he visits Elise Lynette she'll be more presentable. So that's why he sent me to get you."

"Ex-excuse me…" Sigel stuttered quietly"why me? Why did Prozen choose me" Her black pigtails seemed to droop, as if she was sad or scared.

Raven remained silent for a moment. Was it possible that she could see through his lie? Finally, he answered"It's always been your job as a nurse and caretaker, hasn't it"

"Yes…"

"Remember? You used to take care of me, _ayah_." When he said those words she flinched, especially on the 'ayah' part. "Prozen values your importance, and he's proud to have you work for him, though you never heard it from me. Got it"

"Yes…"

"Anyway, I'm not finished just yet giving you instructions. Listen here, because this is the most important of all. You must _never speak to her._ Prozen highly forbids it. If Elise Lynette asks you a question, you cannot answer no matter how much you want to. By the way, I'll be roaming these halls from time to time just to make sure you stay silent. I hear any word escape your lips and I'll report it to Prozen.

"Understood" Raven stopped, turned around, and faced her. Sigel seemed stricken by fear, but there was a trace of bravery in her fair features.

"Yes, yes Raven. I understand. I won't say a word."

"Good." Raven turned around and kept walking. They were getting closer to Fiona's bedroom. Suddenly he found himself wondering if she would still be alive by then. The last time he had seen her was two days ago…

He was also thinking, _just WHAT am I DOING?_

"Another thing: Prozen does not want to see or be bothered by you. On your way to see Elise Lynette you have to make sure that no one knows what you're up to. Prozen doesn't want too many people to find out about his Zoidian. While you attend to business you cannot make any noise that someone else might hear. If you hear footsteps down the halls while you're in her room, you are to leave immediately and make sure not to be seen by _anyone_."

"Raven, why must I sneak around like a thief" Sigel hadn't been so bold yet as to ask something out loud like that. "It doesn't make sense."

Raven felt like turning around and slapping her, but he knew that if he did something like that she was liable to run away and not help Fiona at all. He suppressed the urge to shout and controlled his voice.

"Because" he said slowly while trying to control his flaring anger"Prozen doesn't want to be bothered by you. If a stray soldier or guard found out about what was going on gossip would spread across the palace like wildfire. Something like _that_ would bother Prozen." He turned to face her only slightly, his eyes cold and hard. "And I know that you wouldn't want to do that."

The young woman quickly shook her head 'no.' whatever courage she had vanished at the very sight of Raven's glare.

"Come on then. We're almost there."

And they continued to walk down the hall. Suddenly Raven became aware of a third set of footsteps along them. They were soft and catlike, following from a distance behind Sigil. He began to wonder if it was a stray guard or a curious maid. What would happen if this person caught up to them?

Suppose it is Prozen? Yeah, it probably is. Murphy's Law will make sure that happens. Prozen will flay me alive.

He couldn't tell how far away the footsteps were, or how heavy, because it was mingled in with his own (and the maid's, but he didn't even like the thought of her). Obviously Sigel hadn't seemed to notice her follower.

Suddenly he stopped. Sigel stopped too, but only when she almost bumped into Raven. The third set of footsteps stopped as soon as it could too, but Raven managed to hear it all by itself for an instant.

Even though the deep, elegant carpet muffled them, the footsteps were metallic.

Raven calmed down at once. He began to walk again before Sigel could ask any questions about his behavior. It was obvious now that neither of them were in danger.

Here she is… again. Zoid Lords, she just comes and goes as she pleases. What is that stupid piece of junk doing? It's going to drive me crazy! Ye gahds, Shadow! After this I'm never even going to come into this hallway again!

They came to Fiona's room then. The door was wide open and the gold light spilled out like a river as usual. The Zoidian's ragged breathing could still be heard from outside her doorway.

So she is alive. Well then, time to get rid of this last burden. However, Raven made absolutely sure that he did not look inside, lest he break his promise.

"Okay, Sigel. This is her room. Your duties start as of now."

"Yes." She nodded her head promptly, black pigtails bouncing. Then without a word, she walked stiffly in front of Raven and into the bedroom.

However, she caught his gaze for a second and they temporarily locked eyes. An unspoken farewell passed between them before Sigel looked away shyly and walked inside the room.

Raven took a step backwards. He hadn't expected _that_. For some reason he was now left with another void, an uncomfortable feeling he could not name. He glanced behind him. Shadow's blue eyes shone like lanterns nearly fifty feet away. Even though it was dark, Raven thought he could see the Organoid's tail flicking back and forth impatiently.

All right, all right, I'm coming, he thought before walking away.

But as he walked away, Raven whispered under his breath"Goodbye, _Ayah._"

But I know

I may end up failing too

But I know

You were just like me

With someone disappointed in you!

Nightfall found Raven sitting on the roof of Prozen's palace, looking at the stars. Shadow was there, several feet away. Her master hadn't said a word since he returned. Not even a complaint. The Organoid would've liked another uncharacteristic outburst like the one Raven had shown in his bedroom instead of this silence.

She growled then, hoping for an answer. She hoped that Raven would understand that it meant"Say anything, please. Or if I'm being shunned, give me a sign. I'm sorry I left."

But Raven remained quiet long after the growl faded into the darkness. It wasn't the kind of quiet that said"I'm mad at you" or the kind the said"I don't know what to say" or even the "I've gone mute" kind of quiet. It was a sad, depressing silence meaning that Raven just couldn't bring himself to say a word. Shadow began to wonder just how much she had missed while she was away. She hadn't even been gone for more than a day!

Finally, he spoke.

"Hey, Shadow, do you know what an '_ayah_' is"

The Organoid growled uneasily, not sure what to make of the question.

"You don't know, huh? That's fine. Most people don't." Raven didn't move at all; he just remained seated in the same spot, staring at the stars.

"_Ayah_ and _amah _are old words used by cultures that are dying out now. They basically mean 'nanny.'"

Shadow growled again nervously. What was Master getting at?

"That maid I was with earlier. She was my _ayah_. I… I don't remember very much about my past. In fact, I _completely_ forgot about Sigel and most of those other maids. You haven't been around for a while Shadow. My memory's changed a bit.

"I remember things that are from so long ago; it's weird. Of course, it's only bits and pieces of things, so nothing makes sense. Shadow, does it sound like I'm rambling"

The Organoid was about to agree, but quickly decided to remain quiet.

"I still don't know how I got here and when. I know why: Prozen needed a pawn to command. I'm just fine with that. Like I said, I don't remember much. But I do remember training non-stop. By now, each day of training has become a blur. I never really cared much to remember… until I got you. You remember that, don't you, Shadow?

"Whatever came before the training, I could never really remember. That's changed now, and I don't know why.

"I must've been really little when I came here if Sigel had to take care of me. She's seventeen, I think. That's three years older than I am. I remember how she followed me around to make sure I didn't get into any trouble. She carried bandages with her for whenever I got myself hurt." Raven laughed. It sounded empty and lifeless. "I always got myself hurt. I was a walking disaster.

"I suppose… that when I was a little bit older Prozen took me away from her. I have no clue how long I was with her. Like I've said, I can only recall bits and pieces. Look, I don't miss Sigel or anything like that. I just wanted to make it clear to… _myself_… that it just feels _strange_ to completely forget about someone you've been 'close' to. That's all."

Finishing his last sentence, Raven fell silent. He seemed content just to stare up at the night sky. The stillness of everything, including his Master, unnerved Shadow. Even an Organoid could know uneasiness.

"Like… say you disappeared for a few years. What if I forgot about you too"

After what seemed hours in the chilly night air, Raven stood up.

"I'm exhausted. Shadow, I know you want to tell me something, but that can wait until morning. I'm going to bed." Without another word, he made his way to an open window and slipped inside.

Shadow wanted to explode. Maybe if she gave Master a proper beating on the head he'd returned to his senses. But she had to admit that she had never seen Raven act so thoughtful or reflective. It was almost like he was growing wiser, and that would be a nice change.

Meanwhile, the Deathsaurer had changed its path of destruction. It was coming closer and closer to Gaigalos. Lucky for the citizens it wasn't going to come _back_, but the closer it was, the more danger Raven would be in. In the meantime, a dangerous epidemic was passing through all the Guylos Empire, but that bit of information had slipped Shadow's mind.

I've become so numb

I can't feel you there

I've become so tired

So much more aware

Three days later, Raven strode proudly around the palace on his way to the ZOID hangars. Shadow crept discreetly beside him. Her master was in a very good mood today, and he knew it too. That familiar, devilish grin of his had finally returned.

There was a lone soldier on guard duty at the hangars when Raven walked in. The first thing the guard said when he saw him was"Uh-oh." He accidentally said it just loud enough that Raven heard. He turned to face the guard.

"'Uh-oh' what? What was that for" he said, feigning innocence.

"Y-you're sm-smiling" stuttered the guard.

"And" Raven cocked an eyebrow before going back to his innocent act. "Is it wrong for a person like me to smile once in awhile"

"Y-you only smile after you've do-done something… _evil_."

Raven almost laughed. "How hurtful! You say that like I can never be in a good mood for a bad reason."

The guard gave a nervous smile. Raven's innocent act was making him neurotic. Why'd he even say anything to the little maverick anyway"N-no, seriously, what did you do"

Raven smirked. "I smashed a soldier." The trace of fear on the soldier's face was priceless to him.

"Ah… smashed" The guard was becoming more and more fidgety by the second.

Raven spoke through clenched teeth while holding a fake smile. "He ticked me off. I smashed him against the wall before pounding all of his weak spots. He squirmed like a maggot. I enjoyed every minute of it. Is that a crime"

"Ah, ha… you scare me, Raven."

The maverick gritted his clenched teeth before he whispered"Then don't ever cross me."

The guard gulped, and Raven left satisfied with just scaring the man. This was the kind of day when he was in 'good humor.'

He had decided that the only way for him to get back to normal was if he took up his normal routine. The routine was trashing every ZOID he encountered, which was something he hadn't done for almost three weeks. In fact, he hadn't done much of _anything_ since the Zoidian girl arrived. Of course, Shadow hadn't tried to leave anymore, so Raven already _felt_ like his usual self. Without admitting this to himself or Shadow, he missed the Organoid's company and honestly didn't know what to do without it.

BUT he wasn't thinking about that right now. He 'cheerfully' forced himself not to. Instead he was thinking about getting into his newly repaired Genosaurer and then 'cheerfully' going out to 'cheerfully' beat the living tar out of every ZOID he came upon.

Looking up at his ZOID, Raven saw that whomever repaired it had worked overtime. The Genosaurer almost glowed; it had been glossed and shined to look brand new. It looked much like it had when Raven first got it. Were those new guns that he saw?

"Ye gods, Gunther. Are you trying to kiss up to me or something" Raven almost laughed. "Well, it's working. This is like getting a new toy. Is this the gentlemen side of you the maids claim you have? Oh, but why shine it up? You know I don't care about the condition of my ZOIDS."

However, before he could get into the ZOID to start it up, a loud, crashing noise startled him. A few shouts could be heard towards the entrance.

"What a moment spoiler" said Raven to himself. "It completely ruined the dramatic buildup. I don't care what's going on over there though. Let's go, Shadow."

The Organoid wasn't at his side.

"Shadow" he called out. The small ZOID wasn't in sight.

Great Shadow, just great. You're causing problems. Without a moment to spare Raven ran towards the hangar's entrance. He was so sure that Shadow was the cause of the commotion. Before he could get there, though, something _pushed_ him hard to the ground and then dragged him behind an Iron Kong.

Without a moment to spare Raven ran towards the hangar's entrance. He was so sure that Shadow was the cause of the commotion. Before he could get there, though, something him hard to the ground and then dragged him behind an Iron Kong. 

"What the—" Raven was cut off by the low growl of his Organoid, who had done the favor of dragging him from sight. He was about to give Shadow a verbal thrashing when he heard a loud and painful cry coming from the entrance.

Silenced by the outburst, Raven peered out from behind the Iron Kong towards the entrance. Obviously Shadow hadn't wanted him to be seen, and for a good reason.

Standing near the entrance, a mask of pure fury of his face, was Prozen. And cowering before him was the nervous guard. Other soldiers stood a good distance behind them, whispering to each other tensely. The poor man stuttered violently, trying to say something. The white-haired man knocked the other over with the back of his hand while saying something through clenched teeth. Raven couldn't hear a word he'd said, but it was obvious that Prozen was extremely angry.

He'd never seen him so angry before.

He kept staring as the guard tried to crawl away while still stuttering. It seemed as if he was trying to apologize while at the same time escaping harm. It looked like Prozen didn't accept, because he came upon the man and slammed his foot down hard upon his back. The guard cried out in agony while the other soldiers visibly winced. Raven wasn't too sure but he'd thought he heard something crack.

He sensed Shadow tense up beside him. What was going on? Prozen never did anything like that to his soldiers! Sure he had had other people taken out of the way, sometimes by force, but Raven never knew that Prozen would do something like this. Or… maybe he'd just never seen it before. The boy wasn't sure.

To make something clear, Raven assured himself that he wasn't the least bit scared by this. In fact, he was positive that he didn't even care. But he had to admit that he was startled.

Suddenly Prozen moved away from the guard and commanded him to leave. Spluttering and tripping, the bruised soldier struggled to stand up. Another shout from Prozen caused him to break into a lopsided run. The other soldiers decided to disperse before they got into trouble too.

Seething, Prozen stayed where he was while he waited for all of the soldiers to exit. When the last one was gone he turned to survey the hangar.

"Raven" he shouted. "Come out, now"

He froze. He even stopped breathing. How did Prozen know he was here? Next to him, Shadow was as tight as a coiled spring, ready to launch. He knew that it wouldn't be long before the Organoid lashed out.

"Raven! I know you're in here! You had better show yourself" Prozen called out again.

Perhaps he was the reason for Prozen's anger and the punishment of that nervous guard. Could that whole display of rage be because of him? Furthermore, was it wise for him to step out from behind the Iron Kong? There was no telling what would happen to him out in the open.

Shadow was starting to growl very lightly but dangerously. Her tail swished back and forth angrily as she prepared to pounce.

What am I afraid of? I'm no coward. "Down, Shadow." Raven motioned with his hand for the Organoid to calm down. Then he stood up.

He stepped out from behind the Iron Kong with his best devil-may-care swagger and casual scowl on his face. He acted like he hadn't seen a thing that had happened and was oblivious to Prozen's anger.

"You called, your Highness" His voice held just a hint of mockery. Raven sounded just like his old self.

"Raven, get over here" said Prozen impatiently. By the looks of it he had calmed down some.

"Yes" he asked as he approached, feigning innocence for the second time that day.

"What were you about to do"

"Oh, I-I was about to go out and cause mass mayhem in my freshly repaired Genosaurer, which, I have to say, your people did a _fine_ job on. But was it really necessary to shine—"

"Shut up, Raven. I need you to listen to me. I don't know why that idiot didn't tell you when you came in, but I'm not allowing you to leave anymore."

The sky shattered into a thousand pieces while the floor fell from beneath him. Trying to remain calm Raven cocked an eyebrow. What was this about?

"As of now, I don't need you to do anything. But I can't have you leaving for days on end without notice anymore. I need you to stay here in case something comes up. And besides, the Deathsaurer is causing all the mass mayhem the world will ever need. If you go out there and get caught around it, even you won't stand a chance against its power."

Before Raven could respond Prozen whirled around and began to walk away. As he left he said"I know you're angry about this but it's for your own good. Don't you dare even think about leaving or the punishment will be great. Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't attack my soldiers for no reason."

And he was gone. Raven suddenly felt like blowing up the planet a million times over. Without warning he kicked at the leg of the Iron Kong and actually managed to knock a dent into it. Ignoring the pain in his foot Raven limped over to the wall so he could smash his fist on it.

"Who does he think he is" he seethed. "No one tells me what to do. No one. And I could destroy the Deathsaurer if I wanted to. It can't stop me. It can't" He banged his fist on the wall again when he shouted this. He instantly regretted it.

"Ah! That was my bad hand…" Injuring himself even more seemed to diffuse the anger. "C'mon, Shadow. Let's go. I'm sure there's some stupid soldier out there who'll get on my nerves so I can take it all out on him instead."

The Organoid loyally came out from her hiding spot and followed her master. Raven shot one last agonizing look at the Genosaurer. Prohibited from piloting? Prozen would hear complaints from his soldiers because someone kept leaving their friends behind with broken limbs.

He'd make sure of that.

I'm becoming dense

All I want to do

Is be more like me

And be less like you!

**"Numb" Linkin Park **

-

Did you figure out where I tweaked it? If not, lemme know so I can explain it to you in yiddish, 'kay? I mean, so I can email you an explanation.


	4. Behind Blue Eyes

**Chapter Four: Behind Blue Eyes**

**EDIT: This chapter has been revised and finished to my liking. I suggest that all of you read through it again so that things will make sense. Besides… I am SO happy with it now! Read! READ!**

**To Tally: I can't remember, but did you lend me editorial help for this? Thenk you, in case you did. If you didn't, then pretend you didn't read this. XD Don't hate me for my brain deadness.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own ZOIDS, Limp Bizkit's "Behind Blue Eyes," or Sigil.**

**-**

_No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes_

Three, maybe four, hours later, Raven was still sulking and complaining and griping about the same thing. He was wandering the palace (again), and made sure that any soldier he ran into would need dentures for the rest of his life. Shadow just followed along and remained silent; it was always best to let Raven grumble to himself without interrupting. Of course, it would get kind of monotonous since Raven kept fussing with the same subject for hours (Shadow was sometimes tempted to knock him out).

It looked like he wouldn't let this one go for at least another day.

"Who does he think he is? WHO? I mean, he acts like he has the right, the RIGHT, to order me about like I was his lackey or minion or something like that. Ye _gods_, Shadow, I can't believe he took that privilege away! Destroying ZOIDS is my _life_! It's _my _life! Nobody tells me what to do with my _life!_"

Yes, Shadow was used to Raven's little outbursts in life. The first stage would be a calm, quiet anger with a little bit of banging and plenty of steaming. The second was all talk of profanity suitable only for an R-rated feature or Reality TV. The third stage was unfortunate for any human who happened to be within a ten-foot radius of Raven. Then the fourth stage was reserved for pure redundant drivel and unnecessary hand gestures. Here Raven could get rather unreasonable and say things like, "listen, this is my _life!_"

Shadow was normally amused by these outbursts, but this time it couldn't be considered funny. Raven had had his only freedom stripped away; the end consequence of this action was unknown. Raven may be acting normally (for him, anyway) now, but things might get ugly later on. Who knew what this dangerous, moody teenager would do after all of this had all sunk in?

Stage four was rapidly winding down. Pretty soon he'd be in stage five, a state of chronic depression, a particularly nasty demeanor ("Just go die, will ya?"), and brutally sarcastic remarks. Actually, if one thought about it enough, that was the way Raven was almost all of the time.

"No one should be allowed to order me around like that. No one! Just because he's raised me since I was… I was… _who-knows_-how-old, it _still_ doesn't make me his son. I'm not anybody's son. I'm my own, _on_ my own."

Shadow just carefully waited a few feet away from Raven as he started to repeat his last paragraph using different words. Maybe Master didn't _know_ that he talked in circles.

Finally, it was over, and Raven remained very quiet and repressed in emotion. _Fifth and final stage._ The sudden quiet was very, very relaxing to Shadow.

During his routinely outburst, he and Shadow had roamed pretty far around the palace. Raven stopped walking all of a sudden.

"Where _am_ I?" he said irritably. _I wonder how long I stayed angry this time? I've gone pretty far._

Shadow refrained from answering and let Raven figure it out for himself. It didn't take too long.

"Oh, how'd I wind up back here?" This time he was pretty annoyed, partially because he had not wanted to return to this place. "That's all I need right now. A visit to the little Zoidian girl. Shadow, let's turn around _now_."

In his fit of anger, Raven had almost wandered right into the dark hallway where Fiona was. He remembered his promise: he would not go back there again. Though it tugged slightly at the corner of his mind, he assured himself that he didn't even care to find out how the girl was doing.

Adamantly he whirled around and walked away. Before Shadow could follow him, Raven stopped abruptly.

"I really, really hate myself. Really. I need some sleep…"

Then he continued walking.

-

_And no one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies_

Van slipped in and out of consciousness for a week after he was found. Rosso and Viola had taken him to a safe place, an underground haven protected from the Deathsaurer's terrible onslaught above. He slept much longer than he was awake, and it didn't look like he knew what had happened. After a week, his wounds healed and closed up and his headaches ceased. Now the only thing left for Van to recover was his memory.

The Blade Liger was somehow saved. The blue ZOID had been taken to Dr. Di immediately after Van was safe. In his wisdom the old man had found a way to preserve the Liger and repair its core. At the moment it was getting a new paint job done. In fact, the large ZOID was better off than its pilot was.

Zeek was well on his way to full restoration, too. Dr. Di hadn't bothered much with Zeek since he was doing a fantastic job at self-recovery. The Organoid lay dormant for days at a time, slowly building and conserving precious energy. Out of the three, he had taken the least amount of damage.

Now Van was beginning to wake up again. He sat up lazily and wondered where he was. He could sparsely remember a few moments from other times he had woken up. Either Irvine or Moonbay was always there, but not Fiona. He tried to think. _Where is she? And where am I?_

Out of the blue a conversation flitted into his thoughts. Irvine had paid him a visit while he was half-conscious. _What had Irvine said this place was again?_

"A fully functional, operative underground base shared by both the Republicans and the Empire. This is place is huge! We've got everybody here. Man, I can't wait until you can walk so I can show you around," his friend had said.

_Huh, why'd it take me so long to remember?_

While he sat up, he gazed around the room. He barely recognized it, but it looked like some sort of hospital bedroom. _This doesn't even look like a military base. And why would I be in a base anyway? _He looked at the door. Leaning on the handle was a pair of crutches.

_Huh, I wonder…?_

Van swung his legs over to the side of the bed and managed to stand up. The instant his feet touched the floor he regretted getting out of bed. His feet were bare, the floor was freezing, and to top it all off, it felt as if every ounce of energy had been used to stand. He almost collapsed back onto the bed.

_Should I just lay here then?_

Deep down Van wanted to explore. He still hadn't gained back all of his memory yet, but he felt like he wouldn't remember anything if he was confined in a bedroom. Struggling, he stood back up. The thought never occurred once to him if he was well enough to go out of this room.

After several painstaking steps, he reached the door. Then he grabbed the crutches. Balancing himself on one crutch, he freed a hand and fumbled with the doorknob. And finally, the metal door swung gently open, and Van was nearly blinded by the bright light outside.

-

But my dreams, they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

_She was sobbing. Her pitiful cries echoed into the darkness of the night, awaking everybody in the vicinity. Everybody heard her, and everybody was at a loss at what to do. Should they help her? Each individual thought the same thing. And though they could barely see through the darkness, each individual stumbled through to see what troubled this pitiable creature. And everybody shrank away when they saw the extent of her injuries._

_And he was "everybody."_

_He covered his ears. The weeping didn't stop and nor was it slowed down. He could still hear the cries of sorrow that demanded the help of everybody and anybody. They somehow found their way into his room, his mind, and into his very core._

_Suddenly the weeping became noticeably louder. Raven backed up, clenched his teeth, closed his eyes, and pressed harder on his ears. How could he stop that awful noise? It was dominating his very mind. He didn't know what he would do if those hypnotic sobs finally took over._

_The worst was still coming. Raven's jaw dropped and his eyes opened when he heard her calling to him._

_"You did this to me"! she cried ruefully. "You are the reason I'm suffering! If it weren't for you I'd be smiling and laughing… Now you have to deal with what you've done! Help me, for the sake of Eve, help me!"_

_She did not once say his name, but she needn't have to, because Raven just **knew.**_

_Unexpectedly her cries stopped without warning. Raven froze and waited. He was waiting for her to speak again. Seconds passed and then minutes. Silence. He uncovered his ears and stood in the darkness, waiting. What had happened?_

_And then…_

_It came as a gargling, bubbling gagging sound that cut through the air like a blade. It sounded like someone was being choked or even… Was her tongue being pulled out? Raven had to stop himself from cowering in disgust. He covered his own mouth in alarm as the choking noise intensified, and it invaded his sanity._

_An image—one that nearly made his stomach upset—crept into his mind's eye. It was she… and she was spitting up blood. The red liquid trickled from the corners of her mouth down to her chin and neck. And the blood spattered_

_onto the floor, leaving splotches of dark color_

_before forming puddles that_

_flowed to the edge of his feet while the red beast roared in the distance._

_Raven wasn't sure but he thought he heard himself scream._

_-_

_And no one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you!_

Fiona stretched herself out on her beautiful big bed. Inwardly, she smiled. Everything felt so… clean. She thanked the mute maid who came during the day. The woman had given her new clothes, clean sheets, and plenty of food. It also seemed that she had cleaned off all of her wounds. Fiona looked about her arms. The scars were barely visible now. In another few days, they'd be gone.

She'd never forget how she got them. Someone, someone cruel and insane, had taken a whip and beaten her silly with it. Someone had given her bruises and marks up and down her body.

But Fiona could not be sure who that 'someone' was, because she had been only half-aware at that time, and her senses had seemed to be disconnected from her body. She shrugged her shoulders, unsure. Yes, that had been a strange and disturbing time for her. Every time she had woken up the room seemed hazy and unclear and it always smelled of blood.

_At least it's over… she thought contentedly._

In truth, Fiona thought that she was no longer anywhere near Prozen or Raven. Since she started regaining consciousness, she did not know where she was. She had assumed, since she found herself in a strange but elegant room, that she was been saved at some time and the rescuers had left her in here. Naïve as she was she didn't realize that she was still in Prozen's palace.

Here's what she figured. Whoever had saved her obviously had no time to come in and see her, so Fiona was left alone. The maid who came to feed her was mute and did not say whom it was that had rescued her and brought her here. She even had had a visitor at times, but he or she only came while she had slept (she knew someone was there because she could hear a person speaking while she dreamed). Another thing, whoever her rescuer was did not know who she was or she would've been returned to Irvine and Moonbay by now.

Lastly and most importantly, she concluded that the person who had whipped and thrashed her till she was a senseless and bloody pulp… was Raven. She had had horrific dreams of him coming into her prison with a whip or a club in hand. In these dreams he slapped her face and choked and kicked at her. He had also done much, much worse physical damage to her. He screamed, in a voice unnatural to him, for her to awake. He called her Elisi Lynnette, screamed it. Every time she awoke from these dreams she'd vaguely discover a new injury somewhere along her body.

And that would be all she discovered. Her senses were far too vague for her to take in her surroundings. She had no idea where she was. Pain seared through her so badly that it clouded her vision.

One nightmare still haunted her even now. In this dream, Raven had raced into her dungeon suddenly, each step sounding like thunder. This time he threw her against the wall and pinned her there, and Fiona could see the hate in his eyes. He was screaming at her. When she looked at his hand she saw that this time he carried a knife. And then he started stabbing her aimlessly… And it went no further than that. The dream had ended, and that was when Fiona finally found herself in this beautiful room. But she was convinced that Raven was the one who gave here these scars.

So… why would she think otherwise about her attacker?

It was very confusing, but that's what she assumed. However, it wouldn't be long at all until she learned just how wrong she was.

The only thing Fiona worried about was the Deathsaurer. The beast was still thundering across Zi without cease. She knew this because she could sense its presence no matter where it was. She also knew that it ultimately wanted to find her before it destroyed the planet. The giant ZOID did not rest. But she assumed this place had to be protected if it were still standing. In fact, she could feel the Deathsaurer moving away from here in its search for her…

Since she considered herself safe and sound, Fiona made no attempt to leave the room. She could walk and run just fine, but she did not go out to explore. Once she had tried to leave while the maid was in changing the sheets. The pretty young woman immediately stopped what she was doing to block her path all the while violently shaking her head "no." Fiona got the hint that she should stay inside until otherwise told. No matter. She was thankful. Besides, there was another doorway leading to a bathroom, meaning there was no real reason for her to leave.

She stretched herself out again and breathed in. She sighed in serenity. Her new clothes smelled so fresh and clean. Sure she looked like a maid in the clothes she was in, and blue was definitely not her color, but it was still nice to wear something different. Even better was the fact that the nice mute maid had sewn up her old clothes back together so that they looked good as new. The pink bundle lay folded at the end of her bed.

Utterly delighted with the freshness of her bedroom and her "improved" situation, Fiona rolled over and decided to get some sleep. It was very, very late at night anyway. She reached over with her arm and snapped off the bedside lamp.

And she dozed lightly and peacefully, just as she had the past few nights. She didn't have time to dream though. The young blonde awoke at the sound of pounding footsteps coming from down the hall. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. Though it was pitch black and she couldn't see, Fiona guessed in which direction the open door was and peered through the darkness.

The echoing footsteps reached her door. Fiona became alarmed and she felt her body stiffen up immediately. Did she sense… danger? What was going on? But the footsteps raced on by her doorway without stopping or slowing down. They echoed down the hallway farther and father away. And then they ceased to be.

Realizing she had been holding her breath, Fiona let it go and sighed in relaxation. Why should she be getting worked up about strange footsteps in the dark if she was safe? She sighed again and yawned, and then lay back down.

But a minute later she could hear those weighted, pounding footsteps again. Her eyes shot open again, and this time they were more accustomed to the dark. He or she was coming back once more. Each step resonated through the halls and into her bedroom. Fiona wondered again what was going on. This time she felt more curious than fearful.

So she turned on the bedside lamp. Big mistake.

The light poured from the lamp like a river. The quality of its glow never failed to amaze her. Within milliseconds the whole room was glowing. The golden rays spilled automatically out from her open doorway into the hall.

She heard the footsteps stop at once. That's when she realized that whoever this person was, he or she was not too far away from her bedroom. She froze again. Her heart was pounding. Fiona was having second thoughts about turning on the lamp. She only hoped that this person was her maid friend and not a stranger.

Then the steps came like thunder down the hall, coming closer and closer every second. Fiona shot a pale hand to her mouth in fear. It looked like a nightmare coming true.

Raven. And she'd led him right to her.

He raced in, screaming all of his hate at her, a knife gripped tightly in his left hand.

And she screamed right back, but in fear.

"Shut up!" He cried disgustedly. "You, shut up! I hate you!" He dropped the knife and leaned in to pick her off the bed. "I hate you!" She struggled against him faintly, and he threw her to the floor with a vengeance. "I hate you!"

Fiona cried out in horror. The tears rushed forward, and she was bitterly afraid. She wished she could wake up and end the nightmare. She wished she could close her eyes and it would all go away. She wound up covering her ears because she couldn't stand to hear those same three words over and over again.

"I…! I hate you, **I hate you!**"

Raven bent over and quickly scooped up his hand knife. Fiona cowered in fear.

"I hate you!" Gripping it tightly in his left hand, he held it threateningly over her head.

It hit her all of a sudden that she would die. With this realization burned into her head and no time to think, Fiona began crying and screaming and thrashing about on instinct. She started calling for help.

"Help me! For the sake of Eve, _help me!_" she screamed loudly, hoping someone would listen.

But when Raven heard those words of hers he kicked her so sharply in the side that she rolled into the wall. "Shut **up**" When she hit Fiona immediately stopped screaming and moaned in deep agony. The fear blazed like a beacon in her mind, and it mingled with this new and awful pain. What would Raven do to her next?

"Get out of my head" he shouted. His voice began to rise steadily in volume. "Get out, get _out_ of my head! Leave me alone! Just leave me **alone**! I don't even know what you want! What do you **want**_? What do you **want** from me_? **Leave me alone**! I was only _doing_ my… my…" He gasped and cut himself off.

Fiona struggled to open her tearful eyes. She felt like she could barely breathe. Right now she felt more pain than those beatings had given her before. This was emotional and physical pain combined. It gave her mind horrendous torment to know that she was in the presence of a monstrous assassin.

_How did he find me? She thought vaguely._

Suddenly she began coughing. It was like Raven had kicked her right in the lungs. She tried to stop the coughing lest it bother Raven into injuring her some more, but she couldn't control it. Between each rattling hack she could hear that young maverick talking to himself.

"No… no… this is _not _happening…"

She finally managed to get her eyes opened. Still coughing, she gazed up towards the ceiling, and Raven was standing over her, watching. She looked right at him, right into his eyes. That's when he snapped.

"No! **NO**! I hate you! Die! Just **die!**" He brought the knife up and began to swing it down.

Fiona shut her eyes and felt a gurgling scream emit from her throat. But after her scream faded away into nothing, the girl realized that it wasn't over. She was still alive. Resonating in her ears was Raven's heavy, nervous breathing. Then it slowed, and everything fell silent. Every once in a while she would cough, but the convulsing attack was long over. After another minute, Fiona decided she would dare to open her eyes.

Squinting from the bright light, she turned her head slightly and took a peek. She found the knife staring at her, its sliver blade glinting. Opening her eyes widely she saw that Raven had jammed it deep into the carpet, missing her neck by a mere few inches. Once that realization sunk in she sucked in a deep breath.

As for Raven: Fiona dared a look at him. What she saw was the young maverick kneeling above her. His left hand seemed to hover above the knife as if he was ready to grab it and pull it back out. She almost gasped at the thought. But he wasn't looking at her; he was looking towards the open door. The look on his face was almost blank except for a few traces of surprise. Or was it… fear, maybe?

Out of curiosity, she tried to sit up and look at the door too. Fiona discovered that moving her upper body really hurt, especially in the place Raven had kicked her. Nevertheless, she sat up. And when she looked towards the door…

Fiona did a double take and nearly fell back down. The Emperor Prozen himself was standing in the doorway. And he was glaring with all the contempt in the world at them.

_No,_ she thought in brutal comprehension, _at **Raven**._

Minutes passed, but they seemed like hours. Finally, Prozen spoke.

"Up," he said sharply.

At that word Raven flinched and let his eyes fall to the floor. Then he stood, and Fiona looked at his face. It was grim.

Prozen motioned for the boy to move forward. Raven took a few hesitant steps forward. The older man snapped at him suddenly.

"Move it! Get out of this room, Raven!" Alarmed by the man's tone, the young maverick quickened his pace and left the room. "Stay where you are" Prozen shouted after him. "Don't try to run away!"

Then he looked over to Fiona, who just sat on the floor, dumfounded.

"And you, go to bed." The new emperor then slammed the door closed. Fiona thought she could hear him from the outside. "Zoid Lords, she looks like a maid. _Raven_, my office, **now**."

And then there was silence.

After several more minutes of stupefy, Fiona finally returned to the present. Knees shaking she stood up and staggered to the bed. She bent over to turn off the lamp when she remembered something.

_The knife!_

She turned around and nearly flung herself to the spot on the floor where the knife was. A thought began to repeat endlessly in her head.

_He forgot the knife… He forgot the knife… He forgot the knife…!_

The thought only stopped when she reached down with both hands and jerked the silvery blade from the carpet. She nearly fell back once it was out. Gasping like a fish out of water, she gazed at it. The dagger shined prettily except at towards the tip, where Fiona could make out some rust and dried blood.

"Ew" she cried and almost dropped the thing.

Thinking quickly, she tore off some fabric from her blue skirt. Next she used it to wrap the up the blade so that she wouldn't cut herself. She wasn't sure if it would work but it would have to do. Finally, she dropped it into the front pocket of her 'apron' to keep it safe.

And _then_ she went to bed.

In the darkness, after several agonizing minutes, she wondered why she was so naïve.

-

_No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through_

The instant he stepped out of the room he was swarmed by people. Nurses, doctors, soldiers, other patients, and refugees who were passing by spotted him and rushed around him. Collective cries of 'Van, you're okay?" "He's alive," and "Are you sure you should be standing?" filled his ears. He felt almost suffocated by the immense number of unfamiliar faces.

"Who are you people?" he shouted above the din. No one replied or seemed to hear. _And how do they know me?_ He thought, _Is this some dream or nightmare or what?_

Well, he tried to shout, but he was being crushed by the mob crowding around him and he still hadn't recovered his full strength. People were asking him dozens of questions at once while jostling him and poking him. The doctors kept shouting, "Back off him! You're scaring the lad!"

Van didn't know what to think. Everything seemed in a confused frenzy. And then he started to feel dizzy. He slumped dangerously to the side, leaning precariously on one crutch. The other slipped from his grasp. Seeing that he was about to faint, the crowd panicked and pressed in closer. Van was beginning to feel short of breath. Someone would have to save him from this eager, bewildered throng.

"Get yer filthy hands offa him," shouted someone above the roar. "Leave him alone! Can't you see that he's going to fall if you don't back **off?**"

_Irvine? Is that you…? Van thought he recognized the voice. But he felt himself blacking out. There was no air… no air… no air!_

And then he felt himself being pulled out from the crowd. He clumsily let the other crutch fall. Van immediately sensed the need to save himself from falling. His legs were of no use. He flailed and reached for something to grab onto, but it seemed as if all of his strength was sapped from his body.

But he didn't fall. Whoever was pulling him had a solid grip and wouldn't let him stumble. He felt that same someone grasping his shoulders firmly so that he could stand up straight.

"Get away from him already! Oh, and someone get me his crutches. Stupid peasants…" Irvine muttered. "Now get lost!"

Mumbling and complaining to themselves, the throng split up and the people sullenly went their separate ways. The last one to leave was a little boy. He quickly scooped up the crutches and handed them to Irvine, who gave him a glare that said, "I will set you ablaze right now if you don't get out of my sight." Frightened by the stare, the boy scampered off.

With everything silent, the mercenary could focus his attention on his young friend.

"Hey, Van, you all right?" Irvine's voice held true concern though he tried his best to cover it up. "I mean, those people coulda killed ya."

Van had taken the opportunity to regain his senses. "I'll live" he said weakly. Then came the blow. "What… what happened to me? Oh, and how about Fiona? Oh! And Zeke! And Moonbay! Where are they?"

Irvine gave him back the crutches. He helped Van onto them, but then he saw that the kid couldn't even stand properly by himself. With a sigh he just grabbed his shoulders to support him.

"Don't you remember?"

"No," said Van as-a-matter-of-factedly (which isn't a real word). "Where am I? This doesn't look like a base. Irvine, I thought you said that this was a base. Maybe I was dreaming? Huh. Huh? Well, maybe you should answer the questions one at-a-time later?"

"Oy vey, you're hopeless," Irvine sighed again, something he didn't do often. "Well, come along then. Let's show you around the place."

"Okay," Van replied obliviously. And he seemed quite content that way.

-

_But my dreams, they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free_

Raven knew he wasn't walking as fast as Prozen wanted. He knew because he heard an exasperated sigh behind him. He knew because the emperor just grabbed his shoulder roughly and led him along. He knew because right now he couldn't even keep up with Prozen's fast pace and the older man kept saying, "Move it!"

It was very dark and he could barely see, but Raven knew where he was being led. They came upon a place in the palace where all the halls were dimly lit. A few soldiers lingered about. Surprise filled their faces when they saw Prozen dragging the Dark One by his shoulder. Raven wasn't sure but he thought he heard someone whisper, "Tha' kid's in big trouble."

_Stupid idiot. I'll have to remember to hit him upside the head afterwards._

Prozen stopped when they reached a certain door. The older man took out a set of keys and fumbled through them until he found the one he wanted. Then he unlocked the door and nearly threw Raven into darkness.

When he flipped on the switch, a blinding bright light filled the room. Raven squinted a little until his eyes focused to the change in brightness. In the room there were two chairs and desk. One chair was small, rigid, wooden and plain. The other sat behind the desk and was _much_ larger… and it looked more comfortable too.

"Sit," Prozen ordered curtly.

Raven immediately obeyed. He didn't need to be told which one was his. He meekly sat down in the smaller chair.

"Wait there and don't you dare make a move." Prozen left the room and slammed the door so loudly that Raven flinched again.

And so he sat in that small, uncomfortable chair. All throughout his body there was this numb, detached feeling. It felt almost like a bizarre dream where he was suspended in time. There was also a blurring sense of hot and cold all at once. His fingers were cold and Raven could feel goose bumps on his arms, but at the same time his cheeks and forehead were flaming.

All of a sudden he sighed. Had he been holding his breath? Raven wasn't so sure. What he did know was that this was not like him. It just wasn't like him to obey Prozen wordlessly. Usually he would say something sarcastic or put his own two-bits in, and a few times he didn't follow orders at all and say, "Oh, I forgot," in such a way as to let Prozen know that he didn't _really_ forget.

Why then had he obeyed him so thoughtlessly? …Yeah, that was the word. Thoughtlessly. He hadn't been thinking at all when Prozen led him to this room. It was as if his mind had abandoned his body completely the moment he saw Prozen in the doorway of Fiona's bedroom. _"Well, boy, it looks like you're in big trouble, so I'll just ditch you until it all blows over, okay?"_

Chills were running up his spine and throughout his whole body, temporarily numbing his senses. Sweating, he was sweating. The hot and cold sensations seemed at war with one another. Raven closed his eyes. With his right hand he wiped off the beads of sweat on his forehead. His cheeks were damp. His stomach knotted and twisted uncomfortably in anticipation. Prozen just might have well punched him the gut.

He couldn't think about anything. His mind was a hopeless mess; perhaps it really _had_ abandoned his body.

Waiting for Prozen was unbearable. How long had it been since he left him here? Raven opened his eyes again after several minutes of painful silence. He instantly regretted it; the light of the room was too bright, too tormenting. Where was Prozen? The sensations in his body were too contrasting to bear. Everything was a tangle. The waiting was too hard. He was waiting and the sweating was too hard. The heat and the waiting, the cold and the waiting were too much, and the fear too.

The fear…? Was he afraid? His whole body shook.

Raven lurched forward and grabbed his aching stomach. It had started to hurt unbearably. He gave a small groan. Something was wrong, and he didn't know what. Was he dying? If he was, then it might be nice if it were to happen before Prozen came back in the room.

_Ah, tough decision. Die now, or wait for Prozen first? Did he want to die?_

Raven's right hand reached instinctively for his waist, groping for something. When it didn't find what it was looking for, it started searching elsewhere, in back pockets and said pockets and knee pockets and in hiding places of the dark cloak. But it still didn't find it.

_The knife!_

Raven panicked. His knife was missing! He tried to think back, think of where he had left it. Despite the fact that his mind wasn't in the best condition, he finally remembered that he remembered to pull it out of the floor from that girl's room. He almost doubled over in the pain from this comprehension. That knife had been his only way out.

Some new, unseen emotion attacked him, and his throat closed up while more pain swelled up in his chest. Not only did the fact that he had been stupid enough to forget his knife make him upset, but also the realization of actually wanting to kill him self sting! Raven decided that the emotion he was feeling was despair, because he had fallen far down, way too far for him to tolerate. _I'd be better off dead right now._

Trying to distract himself, he looked up at a clock above the door. _Quarter to three. _How long had he been in there for? He felt like he had been waiting for an hour, and still Prozen had not returned. _Maybe he forgot about me… _He lifted his head and started to look around the room. His eyes floated around the room hazily, simply looking but not taking anything in. Until they landed on Prozen's desk. More exactly, something that lay on the desk.

Among the scattered papers and folders and half-empty coffee mugs was a small knife. Raven reached out his arm and gingerly picked it up. He turned it round and round in his hand; he concluded that it had a simple use: Open up letters. Of course, it was quite ornate. The small knife resembled a miniature katana. But it still appeared quite sharp…

In the haunting quiet of this small room and long corridors came the distant sound of high-heeled boots. This startled Raven quite badly. It was Prozen. He was coming back for him. This thought burned in his mind, and his focus quickly turned back to the knife. _Do I want to die…?_

The footsteps were closer, definitely headed for this room. Panic and adrenaline combined into one. Raven's breathing quickened while the war of hot and cold senses was waged once more. Damp and chilled from the perspiration- the sweat felt disgustingly hot as it slid off his face- and the young man found himself with a number of choices.

One: Take the punishment and pain.  
Two: Kill the emperor with his own letter opener.  
Three: Kill the emperor and then kill self.  
Four: _Kill myself and end everything._

Raven hesitantly rolled back his sleeve. He turned his left hand over, palm facing upwards. With the knife in his right hand he shakily held it an inch away from his wrist. His life seemed a sad one because he was constantly at war with himself. One part of his body was screaming, "Slash away! Slash away! End it…!" The other begged, "I don't want to die… Please, I don't have the courage to die yet…"

His lip quivered, so he bit it. Never before had it occurred to him that he was suicidal. And yet he almost sighed in relief when he realized that he hadn't the courage to kill himself. Of course, he still didn't put the knife down. One half of his body still cried out for him to end his life. The footsteps were almost there…

In one rash decision, Raven decided to appease both sides. He made a quick cut below his wrist.

When he did, he cried out both from pain and surprise. He hadn't expected it to hurt so badly; in the past he had received many worse wounds that didn't ache as this did. As he watched the blood flow quickly from the tear, his eyes watered up and went out of focus. Hot flashes and cold chills plagued his body.

The footsteps stopped just outside of the door. Raven came back to his senses and quickly rolled his sleeve back down to hide the injury. Simultaneously he wiped the blood off the knife on his pant sleeve. As the door opened he tossed the knife back onto the desk with as little movement as possible. Sitting up, the boy tried to look as if he had been waiting patiently the whole time without a care in the world. This was very difficult because a massive headache had joined all of the other sensations in crushing him into the ground.

Prozen shut the door behind him as he entered. He still looked a bit miffed, but he was no where as near the fire-breathing monster he had been the last time Raven saw him. Seeing this lifted a small weight from his chest. He watched silently as the emperor walked to his desk, looked at a piece of paper, and sighed. He didn't even notice that his letter opener was reddened and slightly out of place. Finally he turned his attention to the little maverick.

Raven was expecting some sort of harsh glare, but all he saw on Prozen's face was shock. Gunther opened his mouth as if to speak before shutting it again. He stepped out from behind his desk towards him. Raven hazily wondered what was wrong. _Why does he look at me like that? _He shifted uncomfortably in his chair as the older man approached.

Prozen stared at him intently with a strange look of surprise on his face. Then he said, "Raven, you're… why are you crying" His voice held a strange blend of surprise and curiosity.

Crying? His eyes widened at this.

Raven put a hand to his cheek. He gasped deeply when he found that his cheeks were damp, not from sweat, but from salty tears. His body was paralyzed, completely paralyzed from everything.

Crying? Denial, denial, denial. No, a strong, emotionless maverick such as he didn't cry. He didn't even know the meaning of tears. No, it wasn't true. It couldn't be. Yet the tears continued to flow unchecked. He had been crying and didn't even realize it! It was very strange indeed. Why, he didn't even feel sad (as if he knew how), nor did he feel grief. The teardrops seemed out of place, pouring out when they shouldn't be… and he hadn't even realized it until it had been so bluntly pointed out. _Then it's not really crying… is it?_

He didn't know.

Prozen must've noticed the puzzled look on Raven's face because he came closer still and asked him, "Didn't you know" The man even kneeled down, as if condescending to young child.

Wordlessly he shook his head. He was uneasy with how close Prozen was to him. The older man's face was barely a foot away. Squirming suddenly, he looked to the floor so that he would avoid eye contact.

He flinched sharply when he felt Prozen put a cold hand on his forehead. More surprise and a strange dislike came to him so quickly that he gasped again. He sat rigid, not daring to look at Prozen, whom was staring at him intently with that piercing gaze. Breathing heavily, Raven hoped silently that the man would move away from him soon. There was no way for him to describe how nervous he felt at that moment.

Ease filled him when Prozen retreated. He sat still for awhile recovering, gulping and taking deep breaths. He lifted his head after a moment and cleared his throat. Raven watched silently as the emperor paced around the room. He seemed to have something on his mind.

_Now what is he doing? _There was no doubt that Raven was thoroughly disturbed with the older man's behavior. It was so… unexpected, and he decided he didn't like it one bit. To make things worse, well, this was the way he felt: worse. His stomach was now flipping around excitedly to the point of nausea. He groaned and started to rub his temple.

"Raven," said the older man at last, "you're sick. Very sick. You've got a fever."

Normally he would've quipped, "Well, isn't that obvious?" But right now he didn't feel well enough to speak. Raven groaned again and slumped down in his chair.

Prozen walked over to him again. "Are you able to walk?"

Raven nodded lazily and stood up. Knees shaking, he took a few clumsy steps towards the door before tripping. It was a lucky thing he managed to catch himself.

He heard Prozen sigh. "You can't even walk in a straight line. How strange. You showed absolutely no sign of illness this morning."

He paused for a minute as the boy leaned heavily against the wall. It was obvious he needed it for support, or otherwise he wouldn't be able to stand. His breathing sounded fast and shallow. The little maverick had always been impervious to damage and illness. It was so unlike him to behave in such a frail manner, and without warning too. It suddenly occurred to the new ruler that the illness he had might be quite dangerous and destructive. It also might be contagious, and that was _most_ worrisome to Prozen.

After Raven had caught his breath, he looked up to face his emperor. "Am I not to be punished, sir?" He tried to make his face appear as audacious and superior as always (he only said 'sir' to be smart), but the sickness made him look like the picture of anguish.

"Hmm," Prozen had been temporarily caught in his thoughts. He had completely forgotten about Raven's crime and the anger that came with it the moment he saw the boy sitting in tears and sweat. "Ah, we'll discuss that on the way to your room."

Raven gave him a quizzical look.

Prozen opened the door and stepped aside to let him out first. "You can't even walk in a straight line, let alone walk to your room. It's a long way."

Normally the blackbird would've argued bitterly before stomping off on his own. Nevertheless he slowly moved his shaky legs out the door. An overwhelming wave of fatigue kept him from complaining anyway.

-

_No one knows what it's like  
To be mistreated  
To be defeated  
Behind blue eyes_

**Rumors…**

_This is so bizarre._

"Does anything hurt?"

"…Yes…"

"… What hurts?"

"… Everything…"

A sigh. "Be a little more specific, _please_."

"…Picky, picky, are we? Whatever. My head… legs… chest… feet… everything…" He suddenly tripped over his own feet. He would've fallen but Prozen caught him by the shoulder. Under normal circumstances, Raven would have flung away whoever it was who thought that he needed help. Under normal circumstances… Raven would have caught himself. He didn't even seem to realize that he had tripped.

Prozen was absolutely bewildered. This child he was leading by the shoulder didn't seem at all like the malevolent, lethal bitter young man most people respectfully called the "Dark One." Right now, though, Raven was obviously not himself. He hated being touched, he never showed any emotion save for anger, he even hated being in the presence of another person and he most certainly hated talking to people. He was known to act invincible and it seemed that this was true. Raven was not known to come down with colds or the sniffles or fevers of any sort, nor did he seem prone to exhaustion and fatigue. Nothing destroyed him; he was the one who destroyed. Destruction was often what he was commanded to do, and for Raven that was a prize in itself.

_If I ordered him to… and perhaps offered a suitable reward, I bet he'd destroy Shadow without a thinking of the consequences it would have on his conscience… _Seemingly arriving with his becoming of emperor, Prozen had become wise. He is like a machine: made accomplishing one task and one only, and it is perfect at performing this task. But any machine wears out sometime… no matter how perfect it was at first. Raven was wearing out.

_He's tough as nails; the kid never lets **anything** show. He must be really sick if he's acting like this._

It was more than that. This boy… well, wasn't a boy anymore. There was a slenderness about him, a tallness; he was growing up. Prozen almost sighed out loud when he realized that he had a rebellious young man to keep in check rather than an obedient adolescent. This meant that he would be even more difficult to control than before. Well, not in his present state. Right now the boy behaved as harmless as a lamb.

_Like leading a lamb to its slaughtering. _"Ah… Raven…?"

"…What?" He did his best to sound annoyed, as if nothing was worth his time, but he just sounded tired to Prozen.

"Why did you… ah, try to kill my Zoidian?"

They both stopped walking while they waited for Raven's answer. The boy was for some reason unable to look Prozen in the eye. With every minute that passed, he seemed more and more unlike himself. However, Raven still clung desperately to a few shreds of pride.

"I don't know," he scoffed. After a few seconds more of awkwardness, he decided to answer truthfully. "She was bothering me…"

"Bothering you?" Prozen raised an eyebrow.

"She got into my head, al'right?" Anger lined his pale voice. "I hate her. She got into my head… Always in my head… screaming, in the middle of the night… Wouldn't let me sleep…" He trailed off. His knee gave away suddenly, and Prozen had to catch him before he fell over.

"Raven?"

"Now _what_…?"

"Why did continue to visit Elisi Lynette if you despise like her?"

That question stopped them both. Raven felt as if the earth crumbled beneath his feet. So he knew about that. His answer to that one was the same as before.

"I don't know." A pause. Then, "How did you know I went to see her?"

"What? Did you think I wouldn't pay her visits as well? When I had the time I would sometimes go see how she was doing. Each time I went to see her, however…" Prozen drifted off and his eyes grew dark.

**There are many sides to him now.**

This reminded Raven of something. "I didn't do it."

"What?"

"I didn't beat her, or hurt her. That wasn't me…"

Again there was that dark look. The older man cleared his throat. "No, I know that you weren't the cause of her injuries. I know that's not your doing. Though I do wish I could keep her out of harm."

Ugh, the talk was making him even _sicker_. How could he care about that little girl so much? _Sick, nasty pervert. Disgusting… _Raven felt like vomiting. It seemed to him that Prozen cared more about that silly Zoidian girl than his own wealth… Or the Deathsaurer, or other things he couldn't think of right now. _Overprotective… jus' plain nasty._

"How do you know she won't get hurt anymore?" He was mentally kicking himself at the moment. Why was he still talking? Why was he still with this man? Why wasn't he asleep and in bed where he belonged?

No emotion was on the older man's face (not that Raven could see anyway, with him being so sick and the surroundings being so dark). "I've seen to the matter" was all he said. He cleared his throat again, rather strangely this time. "You don't need to worry about her anymore. Sigil is doing a fine job taking care of Elisi, thanks to you."

Wait, what did he just say?

(All delirium aside…) Now he was _really_ paying attention. Zoid Lords, did this man know _everything_? Despite the darkness, even Prozen probably saw how white his face got. Raven opened his mouth to say a few things. _Worried! Not at all! I just didn't want to get in trouble. Though I don't really care if I'm in trouble or not… How did you know about the maid? _The words never came out though, and he was sure he looked like a gaping half-wit. _Gunther has sure become perceptive… He wasn't always like this, I think…_

"Don't be so surprised, Raven. Not much gets by me. Just do try to control yourself the next time you feel like killing her. Elise is… very, very valuable. Which reminds me… I forget, why did you pay her visits again? Did you even answer the question last time?"

**The rumors. **

"Hnn?"

Something suddenly occurred to Raven. The man was insinuating _something_; he just knew it. Still he was unable to speak, much less think.

"Never mind. Raven, I'll be blunt." _No sense beating around the bush, old man. _"Have you been sleeping with her?"

Both knees gave way and he hit the floor. Well, he would have liked to hit the floor, but Prozen managed to catch him a third time.

"Is that a 'yes', or a 'no'?"

"N-no!" Raven choked out, and then he started coughing, and then gasping. His lungs simply would not fill up with air. He just couldn't seem to get enough breath…

"… … Really…?" Prozen's voice sounded skeptical. "See, because I really don't think you would have any other reason to spend so much time with her. Zoid Lords, if that's not it, what have you been doing in her room all this time?" That same dark, dark look.

"… **Beats people to death…"**

Raven somehow found the strength to snap back.

"… It… It's you, isn't it?"

"Pardon?"

"I… I think… You're the one. You-you've been beating her… It's you…" And he began coughing again. The rumors the maids circulated, the rumors that he was insane, bipolar, two-faced. The man had said himself that each time he's gone to see her… something was wrong. It made sense. "You… you…"

Oh, he felt so weak. There went his last bit of strength. Some sorts of gray shadows passed in front of him, clouding his vision, spinning. Once again, his feet betrayed him, and the sturdy ground beneath him gave way. He thought he could hear himself groan. Prozen was saying something, saying his name.

_That stupid girl. It must be all her fault that everything's so unnatural now. My world's become unnatural. Al'right, she has her revenge. I killed her boyfriend and kidnapped her, so she destroys my entire world. I hope I scared her to death tonight. I wonder when I'll get another chance to try to kill her. I've already tried twice now. Third time's the charm, they say._

_Ugh, what?_

"Raven!" The man was shaking his shoulder.

"Nn?"

"Couldn't you hear me?" Now he was shaking his head at him. "Is that what you were worried about? Worried that... I...? I never touched her, Raven. I haven't even had as much time to see her as I would have liked. If had been able to see her, that poor wench, then... Then, maybe, what happened to her, wouldn't have..."

Raven's mind seemed to be the only thing that worked now. Everything felt numb and distant, as if he were a ghost far away from his body. His legs walked and felt nothing. His eyes blinked monotonously, not really seeing at all. His ears heard nothing (which he was glad of) save for a faint, sickly buzzing. Nothing seemed to register in his mind except for his thoughts.

Was he telling the truth? Was he lying? Then again, did he have a reason for lying? What was at stake? Raven's trust, miniscule though it was. But, to lie to him? Maybe he was jumping to conclusions. Listening to all that...

Raven managed a glance at the new emperor. He looked so... strong, in a way. No, the man wasn't lying. He had not harmed the girl in any way what so ever. Raven felt so foolish then, having believed the shiftiness of the maids' rumors, and his embarrassment made his body feel even weaker. The thought that Prozen really had become doubly violent, two-faced, and brutish had been teasing at the back of his mind like a diseased fly. It was somewhat of a relief to know that the Emperor was still his moderately violent, one-faced self. So much of a relief in fact, that Raven almost passed out, supported by the only man he had known all his life.

Prozen was saying something, but whatever the words were they failed to reach his mind. All he heard was an unintelligible voice, the one that had said, "_It's something about your hair..._" While he was relieved that Prozen had not become unpredictable, Raven felt some sort of despair, as well.

He knew Prozen better than he knew his own parents.

Suddenly his ears began to pick up something other than an internal buzzing and Prozen's inane babbling. It was distant, scarcely able to be heard, and slightly metallic. What's more, this sound followed them while keeping at a safe distance. Raven felt some sort of internal weight being lifted when he realized that it was Shadow. So it appeared that the ZOID knew about his situation after all. But it sounded as if Shadow did not want to be discovered. However, the Organoid was close enough to make sure that the Master was safe regardless of what he was hearing. That alone gave Raven some peace of mind.

Then he felt the Emperor stop. However, he almost did not. It was all he could do to keep himself upright, no longer caring that he need help to stand. Lifting his head he saw that they had finally come to his room.

The thought of his own bed, creaky and seedy as it was, was endlessly comforting.Even Raven knew a little bit of happiness.

Prozen opened the door for him and gently led him inside. At this point, Raven had recovered just enough to shake off Prozen's grip and made his own way to bed. Given how the man had not left his side all night, he was left with the idea that he might even go so far as to tuck him into bed. He would have laughed at the idea were he not so tired. As he clambered drunkenly onto the mattress, he heard Prozen begin to speak again.

"This isn't good. I swear, from the office to here, you've gotten much worse. Now that I think about it..." He fell silent for a moment, and then continued. "A doctor. I'll see if I can spare a doctor. For you."

The man left.

Raven hadn't heard him at all. He collapsed onto the bed, nearly asleep. How could he know what was happening to him? How could he know that at that moment Prozen was thinking of a handful of maids and a dozen soldiers that were out, a prominent general among them, and that most of the doctors were no longer available, too busy with other sick. How could he know that what he had was dangerous, that at that moment, the entire Empire was suffering from similar debilitating symptoms.

He didn't know that he might be dying.

He gasped spontaneously for several minutes until he realized that he was smothering in his pillow. Somehow he managed to turn over, and then his breathing returned to normal. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Unfortunately, he couldn't see the ceiling. His eyesight was now so bad and hazy that he could barely see three feet in front of him. It was also as black as night in his room. How long he lay there like that, suffering silently in pain of all kinds, he did not know. He struggled not to think, think, not to think of that crazy man and that crazy girl…

Eventually his eyelids drooped and he dropped into an uncomfortable sleep.

As far as he was concerned, that dreamless sleep could have lasted an eternity.

However, he only nodded off for a few minutes. During those few minutes, the door creaked noisily open, and Shadow padded in. The creak barely disturbed Raven; he rolled over onto his side, away from the door, when he heard that sound. Shadow walked over to his bedside and gently nudged him. The Master's current state no doubt had her worried. The Organoid also felt slightly guilty since she had failed to alert Raven to this fact beforehand.

She had sensed some sort of unhealthy heat signals coming from his body earlier that day. Though Master usually beat fevers before he noticed them, this virus was of a different kind. And Shadow had known. The Organoid nudged him again and he groaned slightly in response. She could feel the unnatural heat radiating from his skin, his pulse was high, and his core temperature was a hazardous 103.8 degrees. It threatened to hit 104, and if that happened even Raven would be in danger.

But he was already in danger. Shadow knew now.

Something would have to be done to bring down his temperature. Shadow growled while she slipped into the thought process of an Organoid. When she came to a decision, she walked over to the room's one window. It was tiny, barely big enough for the Master to crawl through, if he had to (and he was quite thin, so this said much about the quality of his room), and it was horrendously filthy. Sunlight could barely get in, and the hinges were so rusted from disuse that it was impossible to open. Well, Shadow would make it possible.

With a snap of the tail, Shadow quickly changed that. Glass splattered onto the wooden floor and fell outside. Cold air rushed in and poured through the opening, blasting the room with its bitterness. The sound echoed through the dead night and startled Raven from his sleep.

"Ah…" He struggled to sit up and nearly fell off the edge of the bed. He toppled back onto the mattress because he was severely lacking in strength. He shivered violently in sudden awareness of Shadow's presence and the broken window.

_Poor Master. _Shadow had never felt pity for the human kind, let alone Raven. But for some reason, the sight of a normally hard-hearted young maverick shivering vulnerably on his bed like a small child changed things around a bit. Emotions stirred in that metallic mind… He looked so uncomforted trembling like that, but Shadow knew that there was nothing that could be done about that. His temperature needed to go down before he could cover himself with a blanket.

Speaking of which…

Shadow walked up to the Master, gently took his cloak in her steel jaws, and flipped it off his body. The suddenness nearly knocked Raven off the bed, but it had to be done. After recovering from the shock of it, he slowly managed to sit up and face his Organoid.

"Sh, sh-shh…" His voice was feeble and restrained as he tried to get the word out. Shadow growled impatiently to shut him up. He should not be using what little energy he had left on words. However, he ignored her warning. "H, he, h-he… D-did you, you s, see…? Sh, Shad—" He started coughing violently and lay back down in bed, the virus defeating him. The Organoid watched silently as he fell asleep, overcome by illness and fatigue. He seemed to be doomed to have a fitful sleep. Then Shadow decided to lie down, too, and curled into a ball on the floor.

It was this virus that had Shadow worried. The Organoid had stumbled upon it while she was doing rounds at the local villages (a trivial pursuit when she was bored with nothing to do). Apparently, this virus was very new and had already created a few epidemics. As if the Deathsaurer wasn't bad enough, half of the Guylos Empire was now disease-stricken.

Normally Shadow just watched villages with a vague interest before moving on, but this time she had stayed longer to observe the villagers. She had been curious to see how they had been faring with a Deathsaurer lurking about. Most of them were in the midst of an evacuation, and stress levels were high (and, of course, their dear new emperor wasn't any help). At first, not a single person even stopped to think about their health under such strain. Then, rather suddenly, symptoms of illness appeared. Patient people would lose their temper and organized folk became progressively disoriented. They got headaches often and rambled, almost as if their minds were slowly leaving their bodies. Then an unexpected high fever would strike. Lack of strength and internal bleeding followed; they would become delirious. The little villages this happened in went into an uproar as epidemics broke out. The healthier, less-stressed ones were barely affected, whereas the infected children and elderly would be the first to go. Panic broke out, the evacuations had come to a halt, and Shadow had become more curious about these humans as they struggled to continue living…

A week had been long enough. As soon as people started dying, Shadow became aware that the Deathsaurer had changed direction. Apparently the ancient ZOID had little interest in destroying humanity; it was simply not the purpose it had been built for. The great mechanical beast was wandering the countryside, lacking purpose and direction. It did, however, destroy things that did not get out of the way. That had been the fate of some villages on the outskirts of the country. Shadow had to wonder why, then if it was not to destroy the Emperor's opposition, what it was for. It seemed merely to be a sort of vague political power for Prozen, the sort that stirred enough fear into people so that they would pay their taxes. Still, what was the point if no one even piloted it?

For a time, the great black Organoid satiated her curiosity by following it around. The Deathsaurer was a monster, yes, but without a proper pilot it was a very useless monster, destroying canyons and forests in which people did not live in and did not care for. Obviously, Prozen would have to know this. He must be in need of a pilot.

When Shadow began to think that perhaps her Master might be a good pilot candidate, she left her trivial pursuit and hurried to her roost.

She had returned four days ago, first encountering Raven and Sigel in the hall. At that time she had not noticed a single sign of the virus. How Raven had gotten himself infected so quickly without his Organoid realizing it was a mystery. (Though Shadow was sure that it was because some of the symptoms were a part of Raven's personality anyway; he was always irritable and never organized to the point where the Organoid was annoyed.)

Shadow remembered the villages she had observed. The virus had been pretty destructive in what it did to its victims. High fevers, internal bleeding, delusions, possible brain damage, numbness, loss of limbs, and eventual death… all of these could happen to Raven if she didn't monitor his condition carefully from now on. So Shadow had reason to worry. And yet… Master was tough. Despite how many deaths this epidemic had caused, Raven would weather it through. He always did…

She remembered following in the darkness as the Emperor had led her Master to his quarters. The older man had been so worried, quite uncharacteristic of him. She had realized with twisted humor that the only reason the man might be concerned for Raven's well being was because he still needed him. Oh, if only Raven could have been aware of Prozen's anxiety for him! The boy might have murdered him.

Shadow picked up her metallic body from the floor. Clanking and creaking, the Organoid went over to Raven's bed. Gently she laid her snout on the pillow beside his head. He didn't even seem to notice. There was a bit of blood that had started to trickle from his nose. Had the bleeding already begun inside his fragile body?

Or maybe Prozen, somewhere in the deepest recesses of his mind, really did care for Raven. Of course, Prozen would never admit something like that, least of all to himself. That was about as likely as him wanting to kidnap the Zoidian girl because he wanted...

Though the Organoid was likewise in danger of admitting such a thing, she had grown fond of the boy, too. What would existence be like if he were to die?

-

_And no one knows how to say  
That they're "sorry"  
And "Don't worry,  
I'm not telling lies."_

The whole day had been a literal blur to Van. After an hour or so his legs were too weak to support him anymore, so Irvine had had a wheelchair brought to him and the tour continued from there. He saw Rosso and Viola only once. He had glanced at them talking hurriedly to other members of their old gang as Irvine wheeled him past. He thought he had recognized O'Connel as he was walking by with other members of the Republican Army. Hermann had seen him and was about to talk to him when he had been called away to something else. To Van's surprise he also saw a great number of Imperial soldiers.

"Irvine," he had asked, "what's the Empire doing here?"

Irvine just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "We're working together now. We've joined forces to fight the—"

"…The Deathsaurer," Van finished.

"Hey, how did you…?"

"Fiona and I saw it," he had said. "She had gotten a bad feeling, so we went to check it out. That... that thing woke up when we got close to it, and Fiona started remembering things, and…" Van leaned over and gripped his stomach suddenly. He gritted his teeth in pain. Irvine, worried, quickly lay a hand on his shoulder. Van struggled to finish. "… And, and it attacked us. We were lucky to get away…

"Fiona, where is she…?"

Exhausted, he had leaned back in the wheel chair and sighed deeply. His eyes were closed. Irvine stopped the wheelchair and put a hand on his head. Gently stroking his head, he had said:

"Hang on, little soldier."

He had thought of taking Van back to his room, but decided to take him to see Moonbay and Dr. Di first. Just as well, too, because Van had woken up again and was eager to see them. Irvine continued his tour, pointing things out to Van as they had passed.

And his eager mind soaked up every detail about this underground base, hidden from the outside world. It turned out that the military base had been abandoned in the last war, and was now being used again for the purpose of preparing an assault on the Deathsaurer. When the pair had finally come across Moonbay and Dr. Di (she was arguing with the old man about repairs on a military Gustave), the Transporter eagerly left her post and ran over to Van, squeezing him almost to unconsciousness by her bear hug. Dr. Di had also ignored his job to see him. Quick words of relief and greetings were exchanged. Then, noticing that he was hungry, Van began to ask for some food. Moonbay excitedly went off to fetch him some lunch while Dr. Di excused himself and went back to work.

Later the three of them went to a quiet corner for a late lunch. Moonbay had generously brought Van freshly sliced papayas and fried chicken legs with a cold bottle of coffee-flavored milk. As he had eaten, Van realized that she had gone to great lengths to bring him these, as food and water were limited. Herman finally managed to get away from work and had stopped to say how glad he was that Van was all right. A man named Schubaltz also came and commended him on his bravery. As the hour passed with its comings and goings, thankfulness lifted his lowly spirits. For some reason he had felt blessed to be so loved.

But he still couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

As he sipped the milk, the sound of whirring gears caught his attention.

"Look, Van," said Moonbay, "It's your Liger."

Stunned, he turned around to the direction of the noise. A few feet behind from where they were sitting, a huge sheet of pexi-glass divided the wide spacious room into two. On the other side, ZOIDS of all types were lined up for repairs surrounded by people and machinery. Parts were carried to and fro on cranes and pulleys. At the end of the room, farthest from Van, he could see a familiar machine being moved into place. He was so astonished he could hardly breathe. The words came out in a jumble.

"There. Irvine. Take me… there." His eyes were wide.

Irvine had smiled, stood up, and wheeled him across the vast space. After what seemed like an hour to Van, the wheelchair stopped in front of his ZOID. Dr. Di was already standing in front of the window. When he heard Van's approach he turned toward him and smiled.

"Well?" he had said, "What do you think?"

"Oh…" was all he could say as he looked up at it.

The Blade Liger was in near excellent condition, save for one slightly damaged leg stilling in the process of repairs. The blue paint had been reapplied and buffed until the metal glittered in the bright lights. Dr. Di had then began to talk about how close it had been to death and how they were doubling the shield's strength and of all the new equipment being added to it, but the boy didn't hear a word of it. To Van, who hadn't seen it in over a month, the ZOID was not only beautiful but also a little slice of heaven. The metallic creature looked as if it would let out a triumphant roar at any moment. He smiled calmly to himself as he gazed at it, just as one does when he meets an old friend. Seeing this, Moonbay and Irvine had exchanged glances and gave each other their own sad smiles and the doctor rambled on.

As beautiful as his Blade Liger was, as happy as he felt right then, Van still felt a horribly vacant space in the pit of his stomach.

Another noise, more familiar than his ZOID, came from behind. All three heads turned, and Irvine had swiveled the chair around so Van could see. There, stretching his tired metallic body on the floor, was Zeke. He gasped, leaned forward and almost stumbled out of his chair. Zeke, acting as if nothing had happened at all in the past month, plodded clumsily over to Van and gently plopped his metallic head in the boy's lap.

Van had leaned over and embraced his Organoid without a word. What could he have said anyway? Besides, his throat had closed up and the tears spilled freely from his eyes. The day had already been too emotional for him with its many greetings and discoveries, and now he was exhausted. He was thankful, so thankful, about everything. He felt as if he didn't deserve any of this, it was so good. His ZOIDS were alive and well, his friends were here to support him, he was recovering, he and Fiona had escaped the Deathsaurer, and they had survived a horrible accident…

An accident… That's what had happened to them, wasn't it? No… Wait, it was, wasn't it? An accident. Why hadn't he seen Fiona in the whole day? Maybe she was still in the hospital or…? He had survived this horrible accident and she hadn't…? The thought paralyzed him, and he couldn't breathe. Moonbay and Irvine had since gotten distracted and failed to notice the pained, scared expression on his face. They were talking to Colonel Krueger, who was trying to explain some sort of epidemic that was going on above ground…

Slowly, painfully, Van sat up. He could scarcely breathe. Blinking rapidly he tried to remember what the accident was about. It was after he and Fiona had escaped the Deathsaurer… No, maybe the Deathsaurer had gotten them after all, and that had been the accident. No, weren't they on their way back to help Irvine and Moonbay and Rudolph? Coming to think of it, he hadn't seen Rudolph all day either, but that thought was quickly pushed aside.

Yes, they were on their way back, he remembered that now, but what had happened? An explosion. Was it a bomb? Was Fiona dead?

No, an attack. Fiona was alive. Who? They had been attacked. Who attacked them?

Who?

Beads of sweat began to collect on his forehead just as he frantically tried to collect his scattered memory. His head began to throb as a migraine racked his mind.

Fiona wasn't in the ZOID, was she? Did she get out? He remembered fighting, fighting, fighting, and she wasn't there. She wasn't in the ZOID with him. Did she escape? No, she fell out. And a black bird snatched her away…

A black bird.

And then he remembered everything.

_But my dreams, they aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be  
I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free _

-

**Finished! I made it less immature for my own liking... Gee, Prozen certainly does seem the father figure now, doesn't he? I will finish this, even if kills me. I'll finish it even if it means finishing it college! (I would hope not. I am so not looking forward to that. I doubt any of you would even bother. In fact, a ZOIDS section might not even exist by then.)**

**After all, if I can't finish this simple story, how can I ever expect myself to write novels?**

**Keep me posted. I love you guys! Persistent little readers, aren't you?**


End file.
